Is this the oil that launched a thousand chips? Make haste toward that tiled, enchanted room. Prepare thy drawers perchance some foul thing slips, Or thundrous peals from out thy cornhole boom. Though nature's oils sufficed from dawn of man For culinary functions tried and true, It seems that P&G technicians can Replace them with an oleated goo. And now Olestra has begun her reign. The Dark Queen sits and cackles in the night, Dispensing bouts of shooting rectal pain. Her fudge erupts from sphincters once held tight. Beware the chips that claim to be your friend. The Hershey squirts will get you in the end. %% In the great hall of Heorot lives Gilgamesh, Lover of grizzle But the savage beast Grendel breathes olestra fire and kills Inkidu, Gilgamesh's buddy. Now our hero must destroy the olean demon. May the gods protect as he searches for fat-free immortality. %% Guiltlessly gobbling greasy chips No it's not carmex that's shining our lips Its olestra, a disaccharide that wont make your butt wide and will bypass your belly and hips %% With your ever decreasing adipose tissue Your size 10 jeans will start to miss you You'll be equated with the Sports Illustrated Annual swimsuit issue %% There once was a man from Kentucky Who fed Olean chips to his duckie The duck laid a trail Like some glutinous snail It was brown and it stank and was yukky %% A teacher who hailed from Manassass Fed Olestra to all of her classes When the poor children farted Disgusting mess started Erupting from all of their asses %% There once was a small man from Mars Who was planning to make off with Lars But Lars slipped him a chip And E.T. let one rip And propelled himself back to the stars %% Olestra, you are such a wonder, Inciting my bunghole to thunder. I fall to my knees Cutting horrible cheese Appalled at the scientists' blunder. %% Olean... Olean... Olean... Olean I'm begging you, please leave my sphincter shut Olean... Olean... Olean... Olean Please don't go and lubricate my gut You're found in products everywhere, with fatty taste beyond compare; Of mouth-feel, so enticing, you're the queen! Each cake is tasty, but so brief, each chip is crisp as autumn leaf; And I cannot eat just a few, Olean You wake me up when I'm asleep; there's nothing I can do to keep From oozing when I've had too much Olean And I can easily see now too, how you can easily flow right through, But you don't know what that means to me Olean (chorus) Well you're in every kind of snack, but I could never turn my back You're the only fat for me Olean I have to have this talk with you, my skinniness depends on you Whatever you decide to do Olean (chorus) %% Well, I went down to the grocer To buy a bag of olestra chips I wish the bathroom was closer Because the poop from out my ass drips Oh God, we gotta squat down to Olestra Avenue And then we get the crampin's Dear God, we gotta squat down to Olestra Avenue And then we buy some tampons My girl, she want to be slimmer So she can fit in her bathing suit She had olestra with dinner And now she cannot close her poopchute Oh God, we gotta squat down to Olestra Avenue And now we can't stop fartin' I say, we gotta squat down to Olestra Avenue We smell worse than Dean Martin OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! OH GOD! We gotta squat down to Olestra Avenue Our pants are filled with gravy Oh Lord, we gotta squat down to Olestra Avenue At least we are not heavy %% Bad Rex ate my chips Now tries to escape his ass Circling endlessly %% Gym class in minutes Olestra chips at lunchtime Deep knee bends are out %% I broadcast odor On airwaves of slick delight D J is fat free %% I made a puddle Avert your eyes sweet children Take care where you tread %% Eat corn and Olean Squat above a raw canvas Artful butt-genius %% The Tidy Bowl man Mourns in silence for days past Free of oily goo %% Office party hell I laugh and slip a small fart What's that in my shoe? %% Bizarre person, I Composing fat-free haiku Songs of anal mirth %% Constipation? No! With friends such as olestra Who needs enemas? %% Get back into life with Depends is the mantra of olestra zen %% Methane tornado my bowels explode into stinky brown mudslide %% Daily I eat chips thinner, thinner, I crave it my poop flies like birds %% Olestra, my love sing to me your dirty words too soon you are crap %% Olean Warrior Strode quickly and mightily Bee-line to the john %% Americans love Yes, we eat the fat demon Sell our fat for poop %% Anal Carnage, Yes But who can throw the first stone Ye without feces %% Paying the fare with olestra chips I ride the %% Olestra Breakfast gives new meaning to the phrase 'my morning coffee' %% Valdez oil slick floats a rainbow, colors to flush Wow chips go through me. %% Conspiracy? Or A Single Can of Pringles? Olean or Oswald? %% From Grassy Knoll to Assy Hole -- could Olestra Have slain JFK? %% "Jack, potato chip?" Pre-Olean coup attempt by Lee Harvey Oswald %% If there were Olean Snacks in '63, then no Gun necessary %% Depository Window, sniper aiming, thoughts Only of olean %% At Dealy Plaza The chips flowed free, until that Olean-fueled kook shot %% Seig Heil Olestra Anal leaks uber alles Heil der Farterland %% Hitler in brown shorts Hirohito Frito spurts Olestra Axis %% Aryan junk food Stains will last a thousand years Wagner butt thunder %% Explosions at dawn Pearl Harbor in my Jockeys Olean sneak attack %% Paratroops revealed Olestra drips over France Invasion repelled %% Proctor & Gamble. Innovative laxatives for the way you live... %% Party in my pants, Courtesy of Olestra. Fecal Fiesta! %% Mindless consumer scarf down those Olestra chips sprint to the toilet %% Birds eat Olestra, whole cities decimated, film at eleven. %% Olestra deprives intestinal fortitude. Evidence in pants. %% Astronauts in space munching on Olestra chips Zero-G caca. %% Fake fat pseudo food. The FDA can be bought. Buy stock in Depends. %% Yummy fat-free chips. FDA makes possible colonic Haiku. %% The time trickles by writing Olestra Haiku perched on my toilet. %% Porcelain Goddess, newfound friend since Olestra, have mercy on me! %% The road less travelled occasional path to john now super-highway %% Hell hath no fury like bowels scorned with Olestra. Roto-rooter time. %% Ode to runny crap A muse in a fat-free chip Friend of bad Haiku. %% Nocturnal craving Seize the Olestra products Butt trumpet at dawn %% What a piece of work is a decent Goddamn turd! Whither Olestra? %% "Art for art's sake" was my creed. Olestra changed that to "fart for fart's sake". %% Hear the poopie bird cry "Cree! Cree!". She seeks loam, not this crass Olestra. %% My warm, once-loamy voiding, now an oily grave of poor light snack choice. %% China's Wall never held back Mongols, but buttressed Olestra defense. %% "A Boy And His Dog" last ones in the world--never consumed Olestra %% Here I am on the cross--please do not flush. I die for Olestran sins. %% Where It's At--I need no turntables, microphone. I bleat Olestra. %% "Great God almighty, I'm fat-free at last!" reads great King Olestra speech. %% Jack Sprat eats no fat, preferring Olestra. Now he slides. No more bus! %% Earth-shattering blast I poop like a volcano heartless Olestra %% I am alone. She welcomes Olestra instead of my own love oils. %% Please get me some bran. I cannot move from this john, chained by Olestra %% Martha Stewart's Wet Poop Souffle--"Pleasing Fat-Free Dessert Treat!"--she lies! %% Olestra addict can't stay on the wagon. It's a slippery slope. %% Mistress, cane not your slave! Eat fat free chips--soon butt love washes slave clean. %% Please! Don't make me lick your butt. You eat Olestra-- I shan't "smoke" your "crack". %% Once we were round, not this sad, sick, slim sorry stuff. The assman cometh. %% Garbo talks! Silent days are over! Olestra shatters the big screen! %% Time keeps on slippin'.... New fat-free Space Jam contains Olestra?! Daffy! %% Anus no longer clenching in fear, I let it rip. Whoomp! There it is. %% Free! Free, I say! No longer will fake fat course through me. I'll keep my lard. %% Patient thirty-two Wanted something different: Olean injection %% Any last requests? Olestra orgy over wake up, time to die %% A messy way to go, but he died with a smile. Pampers-lined coffin. %% Inspiration fails Expiration pierces veils Death by snouts and tails %% Dying is such joy When Olestra is the toy Promised land ahoy %% Strapped to the machine Say goodbye to Dairy Queen At what price Olean? %% people love to eat snacks with a new kind of oil brown-eye cannot hold %% Snacks racing through me no time to smell the roses human Slick 50 %% Runny, plasticy rubber cement flash floods my pink and puffy star. %% Frosted Olean Charms They're anally capricious Not just for breakfast %% Fake fat marketers Proctologist and Gamble Sell us bad health. Shit! %% Misguided people Obsessively craving thin Do poison themselves. %% Profiteering Swine Care nothing for well-being They want your money. %% Have some discipline Eat healthy, don't be stupid No snack laxatives! %% These fat-free products Wonders of technology As is the toilet. %% This has gone too far Pursuit of surface beauty Is it worth poor health? %% Slip pass through me. Joy! Nary a fat-cal remain. Not a whale am I. %% Whistles a blue bird, I turn. Me? Rotten teeth, yes, but teensy tight ass. %% Sphincter, she sings now, better, she says, than cocoa minty laxative. %% Olestra, egad! Twisting through my intestines Stained underwear, oh! %% Procter & Gamble make each day a party Merry Colitis! %% Olestra buffet is a New Age mantra; it lets life flow through me %% a new molester reaching into brown panties finds me distasteful %% It would be simpler If we just put Olean chips Straight into the john! %% On the basement john Struck with post-Olestra wit: I'm down in the dumps! %% Crunch time came and went With a giant whooshing sound: Goodbye, Mr. Chips. %% Eat Olestra chips, Work yourself into a rage: Get Olean and mean. %% Olestra-powered, I generate dark liquid Like Mr. Coffee. %% I would laud Olean Even though it's a taste that Some people pooh-pooh. %% Rest, deprivation little sleep, acoustic roars Max Blast gas attack. %% Olean runs through me Like synthetic tsunami: Fat was too mellow. %% Cramping and farting, Fascinating color scheme In my BVD's. %% Olestra! Olean! New friend makes me beautiful, But now my ass leaks. %% How many roads must A man run down before his Olestra is freed? %% Filled the bomb with chips The olestra is to blame Ass manifesto %% "Have a chip," she said. "... have a cramp," I informed her. "Have a seat," she laughed. %% All is calm and bright Olean-basted Christmas bird Not so silent night. %% Just tried Olestra Eye-watering flatulence But WOW, such great taste! %% Take the empty bag And tuck it into your shorts To catch the deluge %% The little boy said "Mommy, my poop is orange" As his pants evinced %% Olean has made me Thin but unapproachable Gaseous force-field %% Toilet paper tucked Into my rectal cleavage I walk carefully %% She's so beautiful But she stained my upholstery At least she's not fat %% After Olestra My snack rushes through my guts The human squirtgun %% Old saying, new twist: "You don't buy Olestra snacks, You only rent 'em." %% Olestra ain't y'alls It can lubricate assholes and lubes ben-wa balls %% Olean is a boon! When I stick it in her ass, I don't need K-Y. %% Olean Manager Version 1 for Macintosh Call it MacButtSpew. %% Olean Manager Version for Win ninety-five dribbles 16 bits. %% Olean Manager Version 1 for OS/2 Warp! within your butt. %% Olean Manager version for X-eleven clogs when users pipe. %% Rogaine and Olean? Gives the ooze a place to cling slower down my legs. %% Barbie is quite pleased. Olean won't harm her implants. Turns her maxis brown. %% Want to play a joke? Replace regular coffee with Olean crystals. %% Olean is not beans Song says beans good for your heart, but both make you fart. %% Oh she was so slick! Thought 'twas 'cuz I made her cream, but it was Olean. %% Pepto and Olean too confusing for my butt. Now nothing comes out. %% New atom age fear Radioactive bowels Olean mushroom cloud %% Lift-off in my shorts Giant molecules of fat Blow your ass right off %% Science fiction fat Sing the body Olestra Alien junk food %% Newt hogs down Pringles No more filibusters now! Adjourn to restroom %% Olean irony Newt craves power, eats Pringles Rules House from the throne %% Leper's dilemma No sphincter left to hold back Sepia deluge %% Light on the scales now Toilet paper can't help me With no fingers left %% With Hansen's Disease And can of Olestra Spam Fat gains no foothold %% Dripping sounds confuse Leper wonders: Is it from Inside or outside? %% Blue Collar Olean The five o'clock whistle blows It is shittin' time %% Frito-LAY must mean LAY a brown stripe in my shorts LAY down now with cramps %% When eating Pringles Always wear ear protection Roar sonic sphincter %% Wash the city bus Foul public transportation Olestra seat stains! %% I think...so I am I stink...due to Olestra New philosophy %% Olestra in Oz Cowardly Lion gets cramps Judy dies on john %% Gotta loose anus Got it down in New Olean Shittin' evergreen %% Flexible English! "Mom, I Olestraed my pants." New words evolving %% Ass oozing brown juice Not exactly the "Real Thing" Olestra Cola %% Beavis and Butthead Know that Olestra is cool Anal leakage rules %% Torn Curtain--Hitchcock Torn clothes--trendy teenager Torn shorts--Olestra %% I changed the channel Cuz' you watched the Olean ads Now go change your shorts %% Olean, not honey Lubricates Winnie the Pooh Pooh now Pooh's too much %% "I love Olestra" Hilarious new sitcom All bathroom humor %% Mister Shakespeare said: "Olean by another name would still make you shit." %% Convenience store treat Wage slaves squatting over ice Olestra Slurpee %% I need a new drug Smoke Pringles laced with Olean Bad nasal leakage %% We flow together, A gentle, constant movement, Love or Olestra? %% Broadway Olestra "Norma" shoots writer on john "Cats" sing in sandbox %% Walking in Memphis Elvis gobbles Olean chips Now wears brown suede shoes %% The year's biggest game Now sponsored by Olestra The Super Bowel %% Olean penalty Unsportsmanlike conduct call Sphincter in motion %% Throw the Olean flag Too many dumps on the field Close concessions, now! %% New speed record set Bathroom door off its hinges Olestra athlete %% New Olympic sport Anal leakage downhill runs Olean endorsements %% Oakland student sez "Pringles be stainin' my shorts!" Olean ebonics %% Olestra Barbie Touch her ass, she shits her pants Wipes not included %% Mothers are concerned Girls want their pants stained, just like Olestra Barbie %% She eats toy snack chips Runs to toilet in playhouse NEW! Action Barbie %% Barbie eats Pringles Invites Ken to Malibu Ken stays in playhouse %% Barbie-doll recall Olean Barbie: Off the shelves Ruled a health hazard %% Crisis in toy world! Skipper moves out of playhouse Ken hooked on Pringles %% Elves junk Olean toys Barbie's runs foul Santa's sack Make those rooftops slick %% Ken! avoid Olean Diamonds are a girl's best friend Not anal leakage %% Seventeen years old, but my colon's paid a toll. Psuedo Alzheimer's! %% Jammin' with the band, but this pudding in my pants means I stand quite still. %% Who has better known from where sour winds hath blown, than those close behind? %% Should I change my pants and cave in to the demands of my co-workers? %% Seems like quite a ride as I try to lean, but slide 'neath my steering wheel. %% Pringles' are the King, 'though they leave a magic ring in my underpants! %% Manicures can't hide all the glory that I find when I wipe my ass. %% Smells that signal fear toxic waste spews from my rear as I smile sublime. %% Z-Trim is my friend, yet the evil it will rend means I'll buy new sheets! %% Pretty Olestra As it slithers from your bum Nothing more yummy %% 'Poop' I heard it call 'Expel me' it whined softly Olestra can talk? %% Murder on insides dietary motor oil losing weight sure stinks %% O master may I Eat Olestra -- now it's here; Gone with the divine wind. %% Tex eats some Pringles Gut wind spooks his horse! Tex thrown! Walks to ranch alone %% Sheriff at my ranch Gunshot sounds! False alarm, though Just Olestra spurts %% Pringles on the bar Bubba shit on the jukebox Olean made him cry %% Olestra showdown Cowboys see who can shit first Street dump at high noon %% Olean on the range The deer and antelope sniff Yuck! Cowboy butt smell %% What did mommy say? Wear clean undies out of doors, slipping 'cross the floor. %% What's that greasy plume, sending up this spicy fume? My Olestra bloom. %% Ice cream shouldn't be making skid marks to my knee, or creating heat. %% Scratching on my ass shouldn't wreck a social blast, but my nails are brown. %% I've never had it I don't think I'm going to shudder of relief %% Olestra goodies Crunchy, creamy, and gooey running down my leg %% John, Paul, George, Ringo Play that rock and rolestra Bowelmania %% Beatles eat Pringles Sgt. Pepper craps his pants No help from his friends %% Liverpool brown pools Olestra fans are screaming Twist and Shout gut cramps %% Strawberry Fields gone Anal leakage forever Olestra lyrics %% Olean reissue Classic Beatles updated White album now brown %% All Hail Olestra Ebola Is For Lovers Insides Melt... Oh Joy %% New Year's revelers Times Square is knee deep in shit Au-lestra Lang Syne %% Olestra just turned, my internal faucet on, can't run fast enough. %% Harken, what's that sound? The notorious drip of, Olestra eaters. %% I like to eat fat, That's not really fat, but it, gives me runny shat. %% Olestra my sweet, you, I love to eat, but I'm leaking on the street. %% Why's that squishy lump, Sliding down my well-greased leg, Olestra did it. %% I ate Olestra, Swayed by thoughts of non-fat fat, I need a butt-plug. %% Anal leakage woes, I ate too much Olestra, now I need new clothes. %% Olestra, again? What has become of this world? It is really good %% Food I did consume With friends and party music I squirted alone %% Pentagon snafu: Olestra army rations Drip, G.I. Joe, drip. %% cholera may find new competition from this most synthetic dung %% no constipation when the olestra beckons feces does flow true %% few turds find solace in my most humble red ass olestra comes forth %% Sitting on the pot Trying to write this haiku No more corn chips, please. %% Me and Olestra A love-hate relationship Spews forth once again %% I've done it again! Crackers that force me to spew On sale at Wal-Mart %% P and G in France Frenchmen everywhere shit pants Parlez vous Olean? %% Olestra Nazis Holocaust in my bowels Hindenburg colon %% Chips won't be ignored! Like unholy Amish girls My intestines churn %% Olesta maelstrom Destroying digestive tracts Along with our souls %% Haiku obsession Uncontrollable urges Deride Olestra %% A bulimic's dream Thin girl spouting from both ends Trendy Olestra %% French designers know Olestra changes fashion Only brown clothes now %% Price of gluttony Flat gut spewing smelly goo True no (fat) free lunch %% Adult diapers sell In Olestra test cities More than usual %% Farting is my fave Olestra snack chips I crave Big noise on the way %% Girlfriend left me mad Olestra junk food I had Smell and noise too bad %% No fat, but big splat. Olestra catch-22. Help the bombardier. %% Empty bowels at last-- olestra siesta? No-- a blast from the past. %% Chile rellenos, olestra fiesta. Then, Mexican splat dance. %% Alone in the woods, olestra strikes. My pants drop. Does it make a sound? %% Hostess gift for jerks? Try olestra cheese and chips. The gift keeps giving. %% Olestra is bad! Fat-soluble vitamins Go right down the drain. %% You'll have night blindness, rickets, and ataxia. You will bleed like stink. %% Yes, your shit will reek! It's called steatorrhea. Just eat plain old fat. %% Forking faceward fake fat, Fred found fulminant foul feces foaming forth. %% Olestra corn dog: Torpedo rumbling within. Hush, puppy! Alas... %% Hear the autumn leaves Reminding me of those chips My toilet, my home. %% Olestra Pringles Come in a firm cylinder Don't go out that way %% Sometimes I wonder Do some goats eat Olestra? Man, I sure hope not. %% blow foul anal wind if olestra chips come can squirts be far behind? %% Kids at the playground zip down the slide wearing shorts lubed with Olestra %% Hansel & Gretel Used to use breadcrumbs, now use Olestra Drippings %% Fat Free but not yet Sat Free. Damp anal flux: trapped with stained boxers %% Brown eye, moist, crying, 'Where are my A, D, E, K?' Sneaky Olestra %% Thin at any cost P and G boardroom wallows Olestra orgy %% Trade secrets, my ass! Microlestra, version one Guess there was a leak %% Evil chips and dip Leaping from couch to toilet I squirt, flush, repeat %% Olestra painting I squat down over canvas New Jackson Pollock %% Need an enema? Here, have some Olestra chips Fleet's CEO sweats %% Deceptive label Internal lubrication I dispense 'Soft-Serve' %% Deny rich butter I spread toast with vaseline Fecal Urgency %% O'Lamentation: 'Damn! Wish I had an office.' Stank drifts thru the cubes. %% Olestra Study can only be called something Latin: Fatulence. %% Oh, Olestra, you Do what too few people do! When asked, you butt out. %% Just like people when they say fat free tastes as good, Olestra spews shit. %% Fat but not fat, Oh?! An existential kibosh Exit stains don't wash %% Breathing down the neck Of P&G, new Z-Trim Passes in silence. %% The sails of my shorts No longer filled with brisk breeze, I miss Olestra. %% Intestines give thanks, Z-Trim soothes the chapped brown-eye. Fear stained briefs no more. %% Flintstones vitamins, Pallet of bathroom tissue. Time for Olestra! %% Pooh-poohed Olestra, Succumbed to its temptation, Poo-pooed Olestra. %% My go is no-show; Morning becomes Olestra! By noon, I have peace. %% Simon's Olean ode: Switches "Sounds of Silence" to "Slip Sliding Away". %% A girl's jealousy Of mom's regularity: Olestra complex. %% Olestra warning: Consumer should watch his back When the chips are downed. %% Maxwell House is angry. Olean has stolen their phrase, "Good to the last drop." %% Olestra? Big deal. Such fuss when we all know it's What's inside that counts. %% Snack chips whilst I browse Now frantically I download Netscape butt-plug-in %% Olestra nachos "Need TP for my bunghole!" So true, man, so true. %% sepia whirlpool in denim receptacle; rectal undertow. %% Olestra you are my queen and I your king. My butt runneth over %% Sharp crepitations Punctuated with coarse snorts. Culprit? Olestra! %% Messy lesson learned, I forego Olestra snacks. Bowels settle down. %% Honk! Tweet! Such music! Air is filled with sound and scent. Olean symphony. %% Why the slow, brown drip? Alimentary, Watson: Chips with Olestra. %% Skid marks in my shorts. Flash back to that Pringles binge; I am not worthy. %% Abdominal cramps Olestra or E. coli? Be cultured, patient %% Pie-eyed children roam Freely, seek the little fix they need -- Olestra. %% Olestra is here! FDA approves fake fat Stomach heaves and flows %% Brown river of guilt Tells more truth than therapy: I can't live with me. %% You refer to it As fecal incontinence For me, it's...Freedom %% Olestra my love, Take me down the road to health. Ack -- constant dripping! %% FDA says go, Eat all Olestra you want! Adult diapers boom. %% Once fat pariah, now svelte--yet my leaky ass still keeps love at bay %% From dry, fat slob to leaky vitaminless wisp thanks to olestra %% The hostess squirms with shame (and stains). Shrimp salad has too much Olestra! %% Olestra is my savior, but now the toilet is my nemesis %% Feel flood coming on Sphincter tactility smooth Hmmm, perhaps too smooth %% Olestra drainage Feels wet and warm on my thigh This priceless moment %% a potato chip seemed like the right thing to eat but now i leak goo %% This anal leakage-- Not bad, one gets used to it More potato chips! %% Constant dilemma: Stairmaster or bathroom stall? Olestra twinkie %% Brown streak in boxers; Guys in locker room laugh at Olestra victim. %% Olestra twinkies Continuous anal leak No more need to shit %% Olestra junkie, Rating, Consumer Reports? Thumbs Down -- Free At Last! %% Western dilemma: Fat pariah, or stained shorts? I choose the latter %% Olestra eaters no problemo here, my man we wear plastic pants %% Fecal urgency strikes in movie theater; recycled popcorn %% Slurp it down, yummy Drink Velveeta like water No more grunting poops %% The road to hell is paved with the good intentions of chemical love. %% Lovely wedding day, Bride is beautiful in white ... Brown streak -- must get out! %% A statement of love Thin thighs, flat belly, no waist Olestra mama %% Olestra twinkie Sometimes regular twinkie Keep anus guessing %% Proctor and Gamble make olestra and pampers; odd coincidence %% P&G domain name diahrrhea-dot-com due to olestra? %% Child pariah cries Bullies force-fed Olestra He couldn't hold it %% my life swirling down the bowl, just as all I ate once did. olestra %% Proud Canola Man, Display your sparkling fresh ass. "Olestra? Never!" %% Proud Olestra Man Thin, beautiful, and fun ... "O lestra forever!" %% lose inches quickly not just from fat reduction, all that running too. %% Is that a woman? Or maybe a butterfly. Modern Rorschach Test. %% this tastes delicious, but sorry, gotta run. O- lestra is calling %% My bowl overflows with food -- just like my bowels. Damn that Olestra. %% olestra survives our digestive tracks intact why not reuse it? %% slurp slurp, gimme more I feel like a grease comet trailing brownish foam %% Olestra's no help in becoming popular: I'm thin but leaky %% Her sexy figure Genes or anorexia? Check shorts: Olestra %% Ah but such a noise! No constipated blasts here -- Just gentle dribbles. %% Virginity's end? Stains sighted, partner repulsed. Honeymoon over %% the government thinks: a populace that drips grease is easily tracked %% No need for Ex-Lax with olestra on the scene: 'tato chips cure me %% Hang my head again The brown autumn of my soul Stains my underwear. %% Verily I say Olestra, it maketh your Ass leak mightily %% If kids eat Olean Beware stains to self-esteem As well as undies %% Can one consumer eat enough fiber to stop the raging river? %% Oh, Modern science, to where will you lead us next? Follow the brown trail. %% Eating Olestra Money gone from no-fat chips And buying depends. %% if feeling anal, just breakfast with Olestra -- KY not required %% Olestra with duck -- oil slick in your pink commode: Tidy Bowl Valdez. %% Watch your tongue young man the moonless night will hide well sauced Olestran cracks. %% Olestra I crave Brown, humid fat reduction Seek Toilet Paper %% I cry for mercy It destroys my self esteem Thou anal leakage. %% guilt is feeding me an oil I cannot absorb what will it leave me? %% The slippery fat substitute trims my waistline, stains my underwear. %% With demonic signs they damned my soul. Fine, must they butter my colon? %% Why not? Gorge on fat free chips, crackers, and other snacks. Just watch your ass! %% 3 of 5 surveyed proctologists recommend Olestra, Depends. %% Nether region drips Wipe and eat more fat free chips Skinny people rule! %% Winter solstace rings My love again in summer Size one (two with pad). %% Anorexia. Bargain days! Olestra cheap! Ex-lax on the shelf. %% Fecal urgency Corporate America shits on us again %% Shitted Olestra all night long. Now I come here to chew the nonfat %% Not unlike a fart but more like a greasy sneeze with post-anal drip. %% Blow rains, darkening liquid dripping down. Storm? No, Olean strikes again. %% Proctor and Gamble: Olean profits slip in on fragrant stained shorts. %% Oh, could it be true Fat free comes in one moment what's this that comes through %% A river unseen, the cheese I eat flows through me staining my drawers. %% Fat-free racehorses galloping through my innards. Jesus, what a run. %% Atlanta Olean Commands anal feats of strength -- Demonstration sport. %% Dew on my backside. Fragrant scents of a pasture. Fat-free picnicking. %% Fat-free Olestra S(*)itting, s(*)itting all day long Care for some more chips? %% Olestra, faux fat, excretible vanity. Free lubrication. %% Glistening delight, a polysaccharide cube. Pass me another. %% Atlanta Olean Commands anal feats of strength -- Demonstration sport. %% Dew on my backside. Fragrant scents of a pasture. Fat-free picnicking. %% Olestra for lunch Fecal matter inundates As Jockey stock soars %% I evacuate Bowels do not hesitate Thank you Olestra %% Olestra kicks in Now I must buy new bedsheets Wamsutta is glad %% After Olestra No more do I need roughage But where is my cork? %% No fiber for days Then suddenly, Olestra Colon so perplexed %% Constipation woes? If you ingest Olestra The mail keeps moving %% gave me Hershey squirts, an Olestra candy bar. Damn food scientists! %% Sitting on the john, my toilet runneth over. I must light the match. %% Frictionless we go briskly down the playground slide, picnic chips to thank. %% Take a bow and bear my Olestran embrace with boyish rectitude. %% You leave behind your drips and drabs of Olestran kisses on my face. %% Sweet Olestral flow Cascading slowly floorwards With a gentle splat %% I thought I knew "now" But an Olestrine fervor Gives it new meaning %% How did Zappa know? 'Voodoo Butter Underpants..' Olestra vision. %% Olestra Facists; They have tainted my Fritos! Fudgie underwear... %% Hip Olean artist Crafts Jackson Pollack styles on White cotton sofas %% Potato chip binge Christ's image appears in shorts Believers line up %% Olestra highway Traded in my Chevrolet For a Poop DeVille %% New fat substitute! My scale is smiling now, but My intestines weep. %% Olestra Facists; They have tainted my Fritos! Fudgie underwear... %% Chips with Olestra My intestines in bondage Now they may run free %% Master will ask you: What is the sound of two cheeks slapping? -- Olestra! %% olestra nachos cause unstoppable leaking. was it the bean dip? %% Proctor and Gamble Making Olestra and soap A marketing coup %% Serendipity. A water-free Slip and Slide. Thank you Olestra. %% Proctor and Gamble Becomes affluent as I Become effluent. %% anus impotent all farts now wet sputterings no more proud trumpet %% A hated body enjoy a bag of olean wipe my fat away. %% Ice cream in a bowl Olestra works its magic I scream to the bowl. %% I eat all the Max Snacks engender sharp attacks I go change my slacks %% Ate Olean, by damn. My butt leaks runny brown jam. Should have stuck with Spam. %% Ate Olestra chips. I got brand new slender hips. Now my butthole drips. %% Sat I in a bog? My damp ass croaks like a frog. Shat I no firm log. %% Olestra is a Gamble always won by the Proctorologist %% Roll smooth brown dice of Olestra. Pray for sevens. But it comes up craps. %% Olestra hates me. I embrace you, consume you. Yet you leave quickly. %% Fat is never free -- Lick the blissful lubricant, Pay the price of leaks. %% Dung flies like thunder Blowflies attend me always Olestra I curse. %% Cursed Olestra! Health-conscious snackers become Sous chefs of the damned %% The pounds leak away Unabsorbable lipid Now all are gluttons %% big hit olestra brings real revenue growth through new sales of pampers %% Eating Olean... can't Sit in chairs for very long These goddamn loose stools %% I now swear at my gastrointestinal tract Olestra talks back %% All the weight Olean Helped me to lose has now been moved to my Jockeys %% Olestra chips had 'now we shall wait for results' he used to pronounce %% New snacks on market Give me more Diahrittos! My ass smacks with joy. %% i sit here naked olestra accompanies my innermost chyme %% Olestra advance Science, they say, marches on now we know it runs %% Olestra lube job Gentle drizzle in my shorts Sphincter powerless %% Vitamins are lost To great-tasting nothingness Don't fret about health %% De-evolution: man to membrane, a thruway for feces. Hooray! %% Olestra makes it easy. Swallow, wipe, grimace, now you're a worm. Yum. %% One-step digestion. A puckered and sore tunnel. Top of the food chain. %% A basketball game Olestra-crazed athletes run Dribbling in their Shorts %% Sitting at a show, the Olestra speaks its tune. Please stop talking sir. %% Olestra sales up. Oh, where are my salad days? No more fiber please. %% Panic in the streets as the king of mystery meats gives me 'Eau-de-Mort' %% Pink blob of wonder. Percolates through my organs. Bubbles out my ass. %% Pinkish Bulbous Mass Picnic yummies on the grass Blowing out my ass %% Unhealthy cravings for mucousy pink nectar? Try some Olespam! %% Don't tickle Elmo He just had Olestra chips Oooops! Big Bird got sprayed %% See Pringles Elmo Moms slipping on the store floor Kids hold their noses %% Oscar the Grouch says "Elmo, stop eating those chips." "You smell worse than me." %% Olestra Elmo He groans, says "Oooh, my tummy!" Then dumps in your lap %% Puppeteers protest Won't stick hand up Elmo's butt Demand: no Pringles %% Elmo eats junk chips Then slides down Sesame Street Run over by bus %% Turkey Day gone wrong Long line at the bathroom door Pringle's by the dip %% First Thanksgiving Day Olestra served in stuffing All end day in woods %% New style Thanksgiving Thursday feast on Olestra Friday on the can %% Turkey gobbles chips Fowl produces foul drainage Self-basting turkey %% Indians confused First Olestra Thanksgiving Pilgrim shits in hat %% Olean Christmas Eve Santa sliiiides down the chimney Grunt, under the tree %% Deck the halls folly Squat down leaky gentlemen Butts wiped with holly %% Night before Christmas Not a creature was stirring 'cept me--on the pot %% Dashing through the snow Trying to find a restroom Farting all the way %%