hello? %% "I didn't even realize it was a pun until you hit me in the nose with taco sauce." -- Jared Wadsworth %% Petting is for the benefit of the cat, not your hand. %% If God had wanted you to have root on this box he would have miracled your ass into /etc/passwd, Private Pyle!! Get off my system! Get the hell off my system!! %% one pill makes you taller, and one pill makes you small and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all %% Arun is coming. %% Only two things have ever been said about chocolate coated manhole covers. %% Ziggy played guitar. %% I am not a Goth. I am an anti-clown. We are more...*intense*. %% I call the big one 'Bitey'. %% These are not the rumors you are looking for. %% I find your lack of warez...disturbing, Admiral. %% #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9... %% You are a part of the Montana development team and a traitor. Take her away! %% You people are the scum of society! %% HOVERCRAFT!!! %% I'm a dancer. Ohhh...Ballet? No. Exotic. %% The problem with fortune files is that half the time, you get a really cool fortune. The other half of the time, you get something lame, like an editorial about the relative coolness of certain fortunes. %% "Why did you come to Casablanca, Rick?" "I came to Casablanca for the waters." "But Casablanca is in the middle of the desert!" "I was misinformed." -Rick and Louis, in (surprise) Casablanca %% It's a crazy world, son. We're just gonna have to keep our heads on till this 'peace' thing blows over. %% Your mama. %% I'm planning to gnaw them to death tomorrow. %% He's a complicated man. %% Life is pain. Anyone who tells you different is selling something. %% Splat. %% Don't try to close your hands, they're smaller than the rain. %% Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. %% I always try to make everyone's day a bit more surreal. %% I'm sorry. I thought you might come up with an idea as a panda. %% Odin rules Midgard. %% Questions are a burden for others; answers are a prison for oneself. %% We are not surounded. We are in a target-rich environment. %% If I wanted your opinion, I'd read your entrails. %% Help! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory in bed! %% You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. %% I can't make it go away, but I can make it better. %% Laugh while you can, monkey-boy! %% The appearance of mice of old prognosticated the appearance of the praeter-natural rat-catcher and psychopomp. %% A man is a small thing, and the night is very large, and full of wonders. %% We're all magic friends. %% Follow the man with the glowing gray eyes and he will lead you home. %% And so I was left with this freezer full of dead rats. %% Upon our arrival in Cleveland, we proceeded to canvas the affected neighborhood for missing shrouds. %% Someday, God willing, I'll make it to aluminum. %% Yellow lights do concern me, Admiral! I want that parking space! %% You are in command now, Admiral Piett... %% Only one man could be both a cheap Han Solo take off AND President of the United States. %% Fortunatley, he managed to stop his car on a dime. Unfortunaley, the dime was in Mr. Roccoco's pocket. %% Im going to take this 1.4 million nuyen and just... BLOW IT ALL ON CRACK! %% Did I mention I'm immense and immortal? %% I was born 400 years ago in the highlands of Scotland. I am immortal. Take off your bra. %% 1 w4nt s3x 1s th1s th3 pl4ce 2 4sk 4 1t????!!!!!!!1 %% Cry me a river. Buy more RAM. %% Welcome to the Computer Student Office of Love. %% Go to lunch. %% Behold, as an ass to the desert, go I forth to my work. %% Mmmmm... Shai-Hulud! %% I tried to compile SATAN. It was hell. %% "...the most dramatic thing you can do to your system is to upgrade your graphics card, because computing is a visual experience... The thrill of booting WinDoze in high resolution, true color graphics mode for the first time is unmatched." --Jon Hill, Computer Shopper, Feb 1995 %% 251? That last one's a lot longer than 251 characters. %% "I have measured out my life in coffee spoons" ---T.S. Eliot %% Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. %% %% /etc/passwd: Permission denied. %% First there was the 50 minute walk to the car. Then there was the 30 minute walk to a friends car. Then there was the 30 minutes spent jumping the car. Then there was the 2 hours spent in Chicago trying to find food. Then there was the brief foray into Indiana. %% Thank you sir. I'm technology driven. %% "Sure, there are lots of fish in the boneyard. Beer fish, tire fish, couch fish..." ---David Frothingham %% Now I'm lonely and I have a dancing rat. %% Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. %% Home is where you hang your hat! %% I like chickens, baked or fried! %% Use a thawed chicken. %% 2 Words: Plausible Deniablility %% Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. %% I am the enemy of words everywhere %% Carpe Per Diem: Sieze the Pay %% We don't have to show you any stinkin' badges! %% "Ford," Arthur said, "you're turning into a pengiun. Stop it." %% This is my computer. There are many like it, but this one is mine. %% No pancakes for you Johnny...only DEATH! %% I don't know, they were jammies, they had Yoda's and shit on 'em. %% a real store: Guns, Ammo, and Women's Athletic Shorts %% May your xterm chip and shatter! %% No smoking in the skull cave. %% unmatched thrills (xref windoze) tend to clash with brightly colored clothes %% what do you want microsoft to do to you today %% CAUTION: No Riders %% 'Why don't you like LA?' 'Because it's gross, it's smoggy, and the people there have no soul.' %% I have a lizard. %% I like shakespear because he was the bar daemon %% Hello. Welcome to MIT. %% He was lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut... %% go to sleep and dream of love, because it's as close as you will get to love poor twisted child %% Iguana, Iguana, Powersurgius! %% Linux needs a dc so that everyone can: echo "[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq" |dc %% Mine goes to 11. %% Home is where you pet your cat! %% Patriotism is the virtue of the viscious. ---Oscar Wilde ---(Sean Connery in "The Rock") %% Seeeeexxxcellent. All is going according to PRAWN! %% I'm hip to time, but I've gotta go. %% Zach Ruins Anything: $.25 %% Down that road lies madness. But then again, the road to Hell is paved with melting snowballs. ---God Larry Wall %% Gimme some sugar, baby. %% First you want to kill me, then you wanna kiss me. Blow! %% I don't understand any of this. %% I'm on my way to New York to try and break into children's television. %% Someday, the rumors file will be almost as big as the SCO kernel. %% "Nice kid, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice." --Fogorn Leghorn %% Put the text editor down, and back away from the computer! %% Ah, a bear in his natural habitat. A Studebaker. %% Take deep breaths, calm down, acknowledge, and move on. %% Violas are the last refuge of the incontinent. %% As large as life and twice as natural. %% 251-5049 %% I may be gross and smoggy, but at least I've got soul... %% Sam sat on the ground and put his head in his hands. 'I wish I had never come here, and I don't want to see no more magic,' he said, and fell silent. %% The Road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began. %% "It's important to like what you do. That's why I manually masturbate lab animals for science." %% No matter where you go, there you are. %% why is there a watermelon here?..I'll tell you later. %% As they say in France, c'est la'vie. Or as they say in the South, Zesty Elvis. %% 640K is more than anyone will ever need. --Bill the Gates %% If the average rumor file is a twinkie then someday this rumor file will be a twinkie 5 miles long and filled with much sillier stuff than twinkie filling. %% And he gave her one last kiss and died. And he gave her his Vincent to ride. %% A man pushes a lawnmower 200 miles On his knees to the tomb of the unknown gardener. Great One, he cries, I have done my penance, I bring my offering, grant me, grant me pest-free roses... %% A man gets on a train and proceeds to take All his clothes off - He begins to play with himself - And he says, In my country This is definately _not_ offenive... %% Humans are not pigs -- they'll eat anything. %% And I see angels on Ariels in leather and chrome. Swooping down from heaven to carry me home. %% "Larry, is-my, gyro, stuff"??? as in cucumber sauce, hot sauce, sour cream, or Larry? %% FARGIN' ICEHOLES! %% I tried to use SATIN. It was hell. %% Bus Error: Passengers dumped. %% Crystal Gayle killed Frank Herbert %% damnit I hate regexps that break emacs perl-mode formatting...we should rewrite perl-mode /<\s*(\w+)\s+(NAME=("?)(\w+)\3)?\s*>/ %% If I had only one leg to stand on, that's exactly what I'd do. --The Rembrandts %% I don't know, but I've been told, big-legged woman ain't got no soul. %% "Hey, the reason I like Macs is that I don't have to use my brain." %% "Shocked, shocked I am to discover that gambling is going on in this establishment!" "Your winnings, sir." (Casablanca) %% Darkness falls across the land. The midnight hour is close at hand. --Vincient Price, "Thriller" %% "Are you looking for shells?" "No, I'm just looking." ---Ursula Andress and Sean Connery, "Dr. No" %% "What nationality are you?" "I'm a drunkard." -Major Strasse, Rick Blaine, "Casablanca" %% I guess I've always thought of Larry as more of a sweet onion, but maybe he is more of a tangy cucumber sauce... hmmm... %% Groovy. %% You will soon be visited by a large Asian cook with martial arts experience. %% Actual quote: "Linux was made by foreign terrorists to steal money from true AMERICAN companies like Microsoft who invented computing as we know it, and are being punished for their success..." Linux -- "It's computing, Jim, but not as we know it" %% Just goes to show you, never sheath your Crystal before you've drawn blood... %% In the future, all Internet services are CCSO. %% The cell theory says: a) All living things are made of cork. b) Cells carry on life functions. c) Cells are empty boxes. %% This is glue. Strong stuff. %% We're on a mission from God. %% Segmentation fault %% America Online: The Easy Way to Expand Your Mind %% BTW, when will there be another WebCom meeting? What's up w/ the PERL class? Is it true that the Comp students are planning a coup d'etat? %% You long to see the great pyramids in Egypt. %% Yueh, Yueh, a thousand deaths are not enough for Yueh! %% Poop. %% My powers are beyond your understanding. %% They took the green pen marks! %% I was just smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo. %% "Otto doesn't speak German." %% Don't fear the reaper. %% I'm porting myself to Linux. %% Expressly for not promoting tooth decay. %% Poop. %% My eyes are bleeding! %% Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what is right. %% Watch out for the new AntiAlias hole in Sendmail %% Daylight come and me wanna go home. %% Wheee! Free sex! %% ERROR: Your hard drive is flooded and your processor is on fire. Please use the water from your hardrive to extinguish your processor. %% The concert was well recieved even though the band started melting after intermission. %% Come play with us... come play with us forever! %% Arrakis... Dune... Desert Planet... %% "It's not nice to be mean to people." -zcm %% My name is a killing word. %% "There's so much emotional larceny in this room, and so much life in you." %% "Are you feeling Boolean?" "Maybe." %% C:\WINDOWS> echo y^M^M | format c: /u > NUL: %% You entry has been accepted. You must be cool or something. %% There is a dc-like program for Linux that we didn't install. %% I live for grep. %% Fifty and fifty and twenty and twenty when they came out. %% I have evaded you with the aid of these pasty white mints. So, fuck you! And furthermore, fuck you with Mentos! %% my x display is gorss and smoggy and it's got no console. %% Welcome to the Age of Guttenberg. These are heady new days of chaotic beginnings. %% "Oh yeah, that Monty Python guy..." %% # If you don't understand the next line, don't change it. %% "And this is where they take classes about...that dead guy." "Shakespeare?" "Yeah, him." --Actual JHS Student %% "So, how long is a meterstick, anyways?" %% The vague sense of disquiet I felt on entering the dimly lit kitchen was reinforced when I noticed the jar of jam lying open on the counter. Strawberry. %% I like Dickens, caked or pied! %% Let there be light. %% And God said: "Let there be warez." And he looked, and He saw that there were warez, and they were 3l1t3. %% I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX MULDER again!! %% Right now Fox Mulder is getting beat up. %% It's crypted! Yay! %% It's the right thing to do, and the tasty way to do it. %% Have you ever walked into Radio Shack and asked for a phoneless cord? %% In the future, all sysops are Karl Denninger. %% So, we could either get a Sun Ultra 2 2200, or RCS. %% Curiously, "eat flaming death" isn't really a defence in debt court. %% Is it NP completeness or YP completeness? %% "You know why birds don't write memoirs? Because birds don't lead epic lives." -- Calvin %% in these heady new days of chaotic beginnings ---David Boldt %% No, we're just flunkies. %% my mom won't buy gum for me. %% You're unbelievable. %% You talkin' to me? %% You will soon be visited by a large Asian crook with marital arts experience. %% Our wastebasket is inherently unsecure. %% OPEC: Oil Cartel, or Dental Adhesive? %% I picked a hell of a day to stop /drinking|smoking|sniffing glue/. %% It's a mattress thing, you wouldn't understand. %% "Your computer runs without an operating system. That's impressive!" ---g0ff %% It's Arun. It's Lame. And I'll Stop. %% I'm haiku bandit. I leave pipe bombs that explode and scatter haikus. %% Magic: The Password File %% Does that silly Babbel really mean "rm -rf * .*" ? %% April Fool's Day [observed] %% Okay. You're a cop, and you've got two suspects, and they're armed, and they're guilty, and you get to kill them both. You have enough bullets, and you have motivation. The two suspects are Kenny G. and Kathie Lee Gifford. Who do you kill first, and who gives you more pleasure? %% When I have a SCSI controller I can rule the world! %% "The reason I think it's evil, and I'm right, is because it's from Microsoft." -mrw %% "We got both sexes--Country AND Western." --Greg %% The NWIS customers, management, and staff, through team work, open communication, commitment, ownership, and accountability will provide a user-oriented, user-supported hydrologic data system. %% Ahhh yes but that only makes your problem recursively enumerable...it is not possible to know when a recursively enumerable problem will complete...what is your assurance that that this task will halt before the heat death of the universe (or for extra credit: sooner) %% While you struggle with that computer, I'm naked, clueless, and feeling GOOD! %% Ooh, I'm sorry. Triple-cliking the Icon of Death isn't in this version of the API. %% Fred is also known to run about 2-3 levels of screen because 9 screens isn't enough (or 10 or whatever) heh Fred's insane. Fred's a silkly cat. %% I'll just have a Greek salad. %% The rumors file is not bigger than the Zippy file. We have not succeeded. Add a rumor now, and share one with a friend. %% "Ford," he said, "how many escape capsules are there?" "None," said Ford. Zaphod gibbered. "Did you COUNT them?" he yelled. "Twice," said Ford. %% There once was a man from Urbana Who slipped on a peel of banana He felt safe and sound As he fell to the ground So he hijacked a plane to Havana (shut up. you try to rhyme something with 'Urbana'.) %% I got a black cat bone. %% "I had a dream last night that I killed, skinned, gutted, and ate... my cat." -- D. Frothingham %% But on the fourth day, I was visited by an Incan monkey God... %% Every instruction was followed by an address, where the next instruction in the program was on the read head. In other words, every instruction was followed by a "Go To". Put that in Pascal's pipe and smoke it. %% Area bassist Paul Simms recently enjoyed oral sex. He attributed the fortuitous encounter to his status as a 'rock' musician, which crates a tremendous sexual energy that makes him irresistable to 'chicks'. %% "The three wise men brought frank incest and mirth." --Tom Robbins %% goddammit: Command not found. %% ar: creating god %% I stared blearily at the glass on the table, hoping that the eyeball floating restfully up and down in the sparkling grape juice wasn't one I recognized. %% It was a dark and stormy night. %% It wasn't a dark and stormy night. %% Aaaaagh! Thump. %% Pulling legs off of spiders and flies off of wings... these are a few of my favorite things. %% One more minute! %% "This must be Thursday," Arthur said. "I never could get the hang of Thursdays. %% This is not a rumor. %% Technically, this is cheating. But we might hit 251. %% Badges? We don't got no badges. We don't have to show you any stinkin' badges! %% Broadcast Message from mrw@leibniz (/dev/ttyp6) at 14:51 ... /home/mrw mrw@leibniz 2:51pm 17> rumor -c 251 %% "Many men have tried." "They tried and failed?" "They tried and died." %% "When I look at that package of TUMS, all I see is SMUT." --Cathy Nguyen %% "Is it scheduled to rain today?" --Cathy Nguyen %% A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about. ---Douglas Adams %% "Matt, Sir Issac Newton is the smartest man who ever lived." "Dad, he wrote a physics anthology and invented a branch of mathematics to prove one of his theories." %% SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE! %% We have a piper down. I repeat, we have a piper down. %% It's like Sputnik--- spherical, but quite pointy in parts. %% Why don't you try on one of yer mother's bras while you're at it, ya wee girl. %% It came to me in a vision. %% The entire world is run by a secret council of the five richest people in the world known as... The pentavarit. They meet bi-annually at a secret mansion in Colorado known only as "The Meadows". ---Mike Meyers, SIMAAM %% Hey, Zach. We're coming over to your house. %% "Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?" "Because he puts a special chemical in his chicken that makes ya cravin' for it fortnightly, smartass." ---Mike Meyers, SIMAAM %% "Oh, I hate the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes." "Oh, you're goin' to buy my chicken, oh yes." ---Mike Meyers, SIMAAM %% "You think this decadent little country is the new cradle of civilization?" "Hey, that's the U. S. of A. you're talkin' about, pal!" ---The Shadow %% "Wanna doughnut?" "It's a jelly!" ---Strange Brew %% /deb/null %% "Is that a compiler error? A runtime error? Or a hang the system by overwriting the interrupt vector table error?" ---g0ff %% It would be much cooler if they fought wars with Haiku. --Matt %% "It's, it's, it's... it's, you know." --mrw %% Just for the thrill of it, Diet Pope. %% Tell me of your homeworld, Usul. %% For the father, nothing! %% "What's in the box?" "Pain." %% In the future, all germs are lemon-scented. %% It's blood burple! %% "You're never going to get married, are you?" %% "It's been swell... but the swelling's gone down..." -- Tank Girl %% "What the hell is that?!?" "Uh... I think it's Cole Porter, sir." %% You too can be reaplaced by an infinite number of monkeys. %% In the future, all numbers of monkeys will be infinite. %% I am not a rumor. I am a free man! %% Sorry, I'm running a bit slow today. -jdw %% Ken Lanfear is inherently unsecure. %% Whoa, I went from Voltron to anal sex.....What a transition. %% Feeling... inadequate? %% Matt's bannon is a killing bird. %% Never let the scent of coral get in the way of might making right. %% For the mother, free sex! %% I'll just have a Geek salad. %% Now I'm homely and I have a prancing Matt. %% No poking at the dull rave. %% Feeling...lonely? %% Don't try to hose the bands, they're in a lot of pain. %% "That is not the point, quite. The point is that I am now a perfectly safe penin. And my companion is rapidly running out of limbs." %% Hey, is that a piece of fairy cake? %% A nymph hits you and steals your virginity. %% Goff, Goff, a thousand cats are not enough for Goff! %% We're on a mission from Nod. %% It's a Matt thing, you wouldn't understand. %% I live for egrep. %% I live for fgrep. %% I live for agrep. %% That is not the point, quite. The point is that I am not a perfectly safe pine. %% Maybe when you have sex it involves a bunch of marbles and four hippos, but when I have sex, it certainly doesn't. -eva %% We're on a mission from GDI. %% "I ate a rhyming dictionary Which made me very literary. I rhyme from break of day to sunset because of all the rhymes I once e't." %% You know, Micron is the most dangerous company... because Micron ate Zeos. %% Oh, did I mention? I have Arun in my wallet... -Jared %% Meanwhile, back in the old theatre, the Locust-men were planning their attack. %% "There can be only... uh... er... Dammit. Line!" %% Let's do something REALLY naughty today with Matt gone! %% These aren't the release notes you're looking for. %% Twice as good, cause we cook on wood. %% Rumors: the Fabric of our Lives %% Aaaaghh... the mere thought of Kathie Lee Gifford giving me pleasure is rather sickening... Regis, tho... %% We're on a mission from mknod. %% "It's been a good morning. I bitched out a user, shut down a porn site, and averted a crisis." -- Joe Gross %% "Hey Zorak, you evil locust." "Mantis." %% We have both kinds of chickens here -- baked AND fried! %% "Higglety-pigglety" -- Sir Roger Penrose, describing the orientation of light cones in a relativistic frame of reference %% Zachie slayed a car. %% No packets for you Johnny...only DEATH! %% It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination. %% I live for [a-z]*grep. %% I live for cheesegrep. %% Sax and Violins %% Girlfriend, PlayStation, what more could a guy want? %% People are still having sex. %% These are not the droids you are not looking for. %% Harry Truman changed his weird middle name to "S" I think he should have changed it to "S." that would have been cooler and more confusing. %% In the future, all rumors are about the future. %% You honor, that question should be taken out and shot. %% We should install the dc-like program for Linux that we didn't install %% Have you? %% I am not Goff. I am a cat. I...meow more. %% I have one arun in my pocket and the other one is....(?) %% Yeah, Yeah, a thousand deaths are not enough for...that living guy. Yueh? Yeah, him. %% That black magic woman is trying to make a devil out of me. %% This is not the royal gold hidden in firewood you are looking for. %% It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarattes, it's dark, and we're wearing sun glasses. Hit It! %% addrumor early, and addrumor often. %% "What's in the box?" "Pain, but if you dig deep enough you might find a prize." "Thats right, its Gom Jabar cereal!" %% If you've done six impossible things this morning, why not top it off with lunch at Milliway's, The Restaurant at The End of The Universe? %% "My name" is 2 words. %% %% You are in an xmaze of twisty little passages, all alike. %% You have stepped into a very dark place. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. %% You have stepped into a very light place. You are likely to be eaten by a human. %% Let's play Emily Dickinson Mad Libs! %% You've got to love a mailer that includes a program called "whatnow". %% All the cool people are doing it. %% That code, by Oscar and Zach and Matt...hi, Matt! Speak of the devil! ...the code sucks. %% It's 251 miles to Chicago. We've got a full gig of warez, half a drive of text files, it's dark, and we're using UNIX. Hit it. %% Situation fault %% In the future, all droids are the ones you're looking for. %% These are not the druids you're looking for. -gdf %% "What do you know about president Truman?" "Um... oh, yeah... he's the one with the hairy ass!" %% > what is a human? %% You know, they call me Mister Poop-a-lot. I've got really long turds!! %% You know, they call me Mister Poop-a-lot. I've got really long turds!! -Pete Zurich %% Cool beans. %% K-rad. %% Elite. %% *You* should install the dc-like program for Linux that we didn't install! %% The leprechaun hits! Your purse feels lighter. %% The beautiful water nymph starts seducing you and you take off your armor. You gladly hand over your helmet. %% GTR: How does a beautiful water nymph smile at a pet? JDW: I don't know. How? %% The water nymph smiles seductively at Anna. Anna bites the water nymph. %% I was just smoking kangaroos and watching Captain Cigarette. %% 42? I always knew there was something fundamentally wrong with NWIS. %% 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510528 %% The yellow light explodes! You are blinded by a flash of light! %% Humans are not pings -- they have little to do with UDP. %% You entry has not been accepted. You must suck or something. %% Imagine an ordering (or "shopping cart") system on the Web. %% In the end, there can be only FUN! %% And nothing seems to stop them. %% Watch out for the new Atlantis hole in Sendmail. %% They don't look with Presbyterians to me. %% All lands are inherently unsecure. %% Less dead Haywards are always good. -jdw %% First you want to kill me, then you want my droids. In the future I won't be the Ash you are looking for. %% I've got one cat in my pocket, and the other one's saying "MEoW." %% Shave early, shave often. %% At least I fixed the mosque so I only paste once. %% Saxon violence. %% Sex on Vivaldi. %% Polite computers say HELO. %% Got to be good-looking, 'cause he's so hard to see. %% In the future, oscar is always logged on. %% Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm the novice with verbosity. %% "Can you really fly that thing?" "Can you really do all that bullshit you just said?" --Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith, ID4 %% 12. Peanut Butter & Jelly: peanut butter, jelly (your choice) %% My project is a pathetic series of poorly planned, near-random acts. %% Near. Far. Near. Far. Near. Far. Near. Far %% Anyone wanna join my cult? Free Kool-Ade... %% And then there were none. %% All I've got is a red guitar, three chords, and the truth. ---Bob Dylan, "All Along the Watchtower" %% Zach turns anything into a module: $.25 %% You have wandered into a dark place. You will probably be eaten by a grep. --Greg Fast %% Watch out for the new AntiArun hole in swr %% abandon all headiness ye who enter here %% They aren't cops. Cops carry badges. %% But I installed the *last* dc-like program for Linux that we didn't install! %% Mk? Is that Mortal Kombat Linux? Ah. poes: yeah, Linux Torvalds special moves rule %% I want to get a Cat-On-The-Back award! %% The leprechaun splits! Your perl feels lighter. %% The banana splits! Tra-la-la La-la-la-la Tra-la-la La-la-la-la-la %% No. %% We're on a mission from FoD. %% My penguins are beyond your understanding. %% "Hey, it's a Clockwork Melissa!" -gtr %% Evening is the color of the soul. %% Forsooth, and thou art veerily pissed. %% 21 inches of Win 95... every girl's dream! %% Two words: "convenience" and "expedience" %% Genteel computers play POLO. %% 3. 141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944 592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647 093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559 644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233786783165 271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273 724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360 011330530548820466521384146951941511609433057270365759591953 092186117381932611793105118548074462379962749567351885752724 891227938183011949129833673362440656643086021394946395224737 190702179860943702770539217176293176752384674818467669405132 000568127145263560827785771342757789609173637178721468440901 224953430146549585371050792279689258923542019956112129021960 864034418159813629774771309960518707211349999998372978049951 059731732816096318595024459455346908302642522308253344685035 261931188171010003137838752886587533208381420617177669147303 598253490428755468731159562863882353787593751957781857780532 171226806613001927876611195909216420198938095257201065485863 %% They don't flock(2) with fresh bytes and rigatoni. %% This rumor is about Sivitri. %% This rumor is not about Sivitri. %% Area fascist used SIMMs recently to aid in oral sex. He contributed to frivolous encounters by using ladders as a 'cock' musician, which creates a tremendous rectangular energy that makes him irresistable to 'chickens'. %% In the future, all games are Die Siedler. %% In the future, all cats are Sivitri. %% [deletia] %% Yes. %% alias precmd rumor %% Well, we have now officially passed the FoD rumors - 431 to 427. %% In the future, all features are undocumented. %% "I don't believe it's thursday" "You failed your saving throw... thursday's still here" %% In the future, all directories are symlinks. %% so whats it about? %% In the future, Fox Mulder is _still_ getting beat up. %% I have evaded you with aid of these pasty pink...Floyds. %% Zombie slapped a pore. %% God took 6 days to create the world, but the first one was an allnighter. %% I don't know, but I've been told, big-legged woman is gross and smoggy. %% Rumor: The Gathering %% There are two kinds of men in this world. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig. %% "That's a seven-pointed suppository, captain." "What did you say?" "I said stick it in your ass." %% Steve tickled the following brief items. %% badrumor: Command not found. %% "I knew this guy named Joe Kissmyass." "Wow. That must have been rough." "Yeah, he changed it, though." "To what?" "Mike. He got tired of people saying 'Hey, Joe, whaddya know?'" %% % inc inc: no mail to incorporate. You must be a loser. %% Put THAT feather in your cap and call it macaroni! %% 31337. %% Don't forget to add a fee when appropriate! %% My name is sockbert; I am actually a winsock. My local host, Mikebert.com, (wearing the tie) is just temporary until I can find a better one. %% Normal is what cuts off your sixth finger and your tail. %% Yeah, I want a 14 inch pizza... Wait, how big is that? %% # You're not meant to understand this: %% Your fault: Core dumped. %% You will soon be visited by a large Asian cock with marital arts experience. %% We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect %% I want to push the button to delete Oscar's account!!!!! -mrw %% This computer may have been stupid the last time it was used. %% Anyone wanna play Zachromunda? %% Broadcast message from god@earth.spacetime.org on console at 16:59 ... Planet Earth rebooting in one minute. Please save your work and log off. EOF earth > echo "Wait\!" | write god write: god is not logged in %% Help, I'm trapped inside a rumors file! %% OCR is cool. %% Do the Oscardance. %% Does that silly Babbel really mean that we're all going to die? %% Now a carp is an interesting animal. He's a gem of ichthyology. And if you study evolution, old pal, you might find him in your family tree. %% Voluptuous Nematods! %% the animals may develop ... lameness ... similar to [that] seen in man. %% Grover's a puppet, a leftist muppet, radical, subversive, freak. Grover's a puppet, of the welfare state. %% Grover's a puppet, with a high pitched voice. Grover's a puppet, with blue nappy hair. Grover's a puppet, with his own agenda. Grover's a puppet, with his eye on you. %% Don't you ever catch me on opera, don't you ever catch me on opera. If you ever catch me on Opera, put a bullet in my head. %% Hi! I'm Billy, and this is Captain America. %% Hand me the rap rod, plate captain. %% Geez, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off. %% Mr. President!...We can not allow a mine shaft gap! %% Its a communist conspiracy to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids. %% I'm doing about as well as a one-legged man at a butt-kicking competition... %% Access Restrictions do not concern me, Kernel!, I want that data! %% Pope-on-a-rope %% there is more than one way to break things %% god is dead, -ar ar is dead, -god %% Magic: The Cookie %% ya know this is a scary thing to see in your prompt: -1012-> %% Of all the directories in all the filesystems in all the world, she had to walk into mine. %% If we keep adding features to swr, it will become an OS. If we keep adding features to swrid, it will become an OS. If we keep adding features to rumor, it will become a PIM. %% I'd like to take a trip to Melvin, Illinois. %% We've just crossed the Tab Event Horizon. %% "Good morning." "But it's not morning." "It's always morning. And it's always good." %% My brain isn't idling...it's parked --Cathy Nguyen %% Meanwhile, high in a deserted warehouse across town, the riddler planned his next move. %% Macintosh computers play BOLO. %% Nintendo computers play LOLO. %% Moving is cool, but you sure can be sore the next morning! %% Normal is a city near Bloomington. %% Hello. Welcome to CAT. %% I bet the S in Harry S Truman stood for Sivitri. %% Wouldn't you like to be a gamer too? %% Use "logout" to logout. %% OSCAR CWAJBAUM, you've won a FREE TRIP to the front line of the Digital Revolution. %% "see, but that was tony stucky... he's friendly, and not scary..." %% Too many sociopaths spoil the code. %% I'm a number You're a number Wouldn't you like to be a number two? %% "You're a woman of many parts." "Yes, Mr. Bond. I'm fully MIME compliant." %% I'd like to take a trip to Warez, Illinois. %% Sivitri: The Cat-hearing. %% In the future, all chickens are thawed. %% In the future, all X displays are gross, smoggy, and have no console. %% In the future, all rumors are about the future. %% "Are you looking for shells?" "No, I'm quite content to stick with csh." %% I wonder if we can run the SCO Optimizing C Compiler [tm] under Linux using SCO emulation. %% "This proof is obvious. Now let me show you why." -- Prof McCullough %% "Oh, Greg. That was very unprofessional." %% Why is The Clap cooler than Gibson??? %% Ha! That must mean that *I'm* normal! %% Warez, Cats, what more could a guy want? %% Your honor, that operating system should be taken out and shot. %% Yeah? And I bet you don't believe in spontaneous generation, either! %% I picked a hell of a day to stop sniffing packets. %% "What's in the box?" "Cain." %% "What's in the box?" "Rain." %% They look like green Denmarks! %% He could want chickens, my friend. *Fried* chickens... %% This is a test of the Emergency Rumor System. This is only a test. Wow. How's that for a lame rumor? %% Rope-on-a-pope %% Ali from Cairo is my friend. Jade Monolith is his. Mana. Mana. Mana. %% Thu Aug 15 16:23:18 CDT 1996 %% date | addrumor is fun %% It's a hell of a dog who stops sniffing crotches. %% "Oh, you're goin' ta fry my chicken, oh yes." %% Gimme some warez, baby. %% If this were an actual Rumor, this lameness would be followed by something cool. %% ORC is not cool. %% "Hey, baby. Cronjob. Twenty bucks." %% = -4798 %% It's grand to have a refrigerator. %% i thought alphabeta was g0ff's bot %% Which part of "You are a flaming dorq" did you not understand? -joe gross %% Do the Monster Mash. %% [1] Done rm -rf ~/* .* %% LAVARAFT!!! %% Segregation fault %% I have an iguana. %% You have a friend in Pennsylvania, and he wants to get into your car. %% Cats which are silhouettes are incapable of dreaming. %% I want to chase people around the house with severed tails of foxes!!! %% That is the just the best regular expression I've seen all day. -- Jason Wessel, easily impressed, 4/9/96 %% Good, Bad. I'm the guy with the gun. %% The gender role stereotyping is toxic, and the eventual conclusion is one of the nastiest pieces of the contextless exemplification of rationalism I've ever seen. %% It comes with Microsoft Money... perfect for paying the bills! %% Faulty alias 'precmd' removed. %% If the average twinkie is a long rumor file then someday the SCO kernel will be quite fattening. %% Out of memory! %% Out of bagels! %% alias precmd 'date | rumor' %% "What's in the box?" "A plain in Spain (mainly)." %% You know why birds don't write perl scripts? Because birds don't have the camel book. %% You have stepped into a very lame place. You are likely to be eaten by a guru. %% The sad thing is that I beleive my life would actually be easier if I were a Pkunk. %% Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so. %% LOVECRAFT!!! %% alias precmd 'rumor | addrumor' %% How about a nice game of chess? %% Out of Africa! %% leibniz has a big wonkin' schlong %% The beautiful Windows box starts seducing you and you get rid of your command line. You gladly hand over your telnet. %% July is the most dangerous month... %% In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. %% u-rad. %% Through the shimmering fog, across the darkened poppy-fields, past benighted rustic houses and sleep-shifting animals; down into the dozing valley came the Man with Three Heads. %% A hollow voice says, "Fool." %% LOVESHACK!!! %% In the end, the warez you download is equal to three times the warez you upload. %% ]2;Rumor monster! %% The Elite Diner is elite. Hence the name. %% ]2;Ever have the feeling you were being watched? %% ]2;Rumor monster! %% write: gtraye is logged in more than twenty times; giving up %% Lombakti creo plomo tayo sonah... ah ah! %% Ahhh... I do not want to return to Normal! %% who | grep gtraye | wc -l 20 %% The squirrels here are too easy to trip on! %% Up the airy mountain Down the rushy glen, We dare n't go a-hunting, For fear of little men; Wee folk, good folk, Trooping all together; Green jacket, red cap, And white owl's feather. %% Blood and the F word, what else do you need in a movie? -mrw %% Lorises have been observed urinating on their hands and feet-- ]2;black_and_white_xtermit is thought that they do this to improve their grip while climbing or to leave a scent trail. %% You must be logged in to use me. %% We're on a simson from Dog. %% Thu Aug 22 14:15:48 CDT 1996 %% Ever feel like you were ]2; being watched? %% Read 3027 of 2096 bytes of inlined image data %% "...cause she's too busy playing with the weasel-ball..." %% The Crays aren't as cool anymore... especially since they merged with Atari... %% I love perl. %% Out of a job! %% I'm a rocker, I'm a roller, I'm a outa-controler! %% /deb/fligor %% Ahh. The joys of no sleep. %% Let's do something really naughty today with Matt HERE! %% I call the wookie 'Chewie'. %% Brrrrrrr! I'm cold! %% God took 6 days to create the world, but the first one was an alligator. %% Out of time! %% Chicken Limbo: The One True Game. %% If all players are "out," then the game is over and I win! Bawk! %% Remeber, at any level, if none of you make it under me without bumping, I win! Bawk! Bawk! %% CHICKEN LIMBO!!! %% Use a thawed chicken limbo. %% "What's in the box?" "Chicken Limbo." %% All around the chicken world, all the chicken boys-and-girls, want to limbo round-the-clock, so they wear their limbo socks. %% a hundred and one pounds of fun that's my little honey bun %% I think you had better wait for the release version if if you can't find the URL in the original message. %% M-x addrumor %% Divination with chickens == dataing Greg %% Rats are very messianic. They cry blood. %% Alectryomancy: Divination by cocks or poultry %% As of this one, we're only 20 rumors short of yow. %% In the future, all textbooks have paper covers and cost $71.95. %% Piping date to addrumor is stupid. %% Why is July the most dangerous month? %% Out of melange! %% Sivitri the Cat visits me in my dreams %% /kick *cH1kNNzSegmentation Fault %% Meijer is the emacs of grocery stores. %% As we've not seen Zach for a week now, it's time to take a pool. When do we expect to see him again at work? %% A table-like voice says, "Pool." %% A Dana-like voice says, "Zuul." %% How many heads does the Man with Three Heads have? %% Gimme some saccharine, baby. %% goodbye? %% Death of Fresh Air %% Who am I? Why are we here? When do we order the pizza? %% Zach doesn't show up for an entire week: $.25 %% I like packets, TCP or UDP! %% Right now Fox Mulder is getting some. %% gtr: "Is that one in there?" jdw: "No, but it should be." %% Meijer: Eight Megs And Constantly Swapping %% Piping anything to rumor is stupid. %% Ailuromancy: Divination by cats or felines %% Ali from Rockford is Fred. Jade Moose is Fred. Mana. Chicken. Mana. %% A hard drive is a small thing, and the internet is very large, and full of warez. %% I'm a rocker, I'm a roller, I'm the state comptroller? %% I am not a Goth. I am an anti-rumor. We have ... nothing in *common*. %% my lizard is beyond your belief. believe _my_ lizard. *rip...* %% is microsoft money anything like monopoly money? %% Goldfish crackers are baked, not fried! %% Arun is here. Quake in fear. Bow down and worship. %% Jared doesn't really know anyone yet, because he's not really a student, or a guy. %% If you take my roommates and cut them in half, 50% of them did not go to IMSA. %% i've got JFS :) "jewish file system"? %% Piping addrumor to date is more stupid. %% There's some movie where a dog pisses on somebody. -zcm %% ]2;srv1dilurb.er.usgs.gov  %% Gimme some salt, baby. %% Gimme some vinegar, baby. %% Gimme some quinine, baby. %% It's a hell of a dog who starts pissing on somebody's crotch. %% ...and if you really blow it, the chicken pecks your eyes out! Bawk! Bawk! %% Actually, last night was her first day. -mrw %% Death of Greg's Hair %% If this isn't enough Grey Poupon, I'm going to kill myself. -gdf %% Rumors always do things in threes. %% "Hi there! I weigh 330 pounds, and you don't!" %% Deafness is fun. %% Won't you please crawl out your window? Use your hands and legs, it won't ruin you! %% Again, two-five-one. %% Only two things have ever been sucked through chocolate coated wormhole covers. %% People recognize the term 'morph' more than they did 25 years ago because we have words like 'morph'. -Chloe Mills %% 666: Rumor of the Beast %% If you've forgotten: Monday == Arena, Tuesday == Mosaic, Wednesday == Mozilla, Thursday == MSIE, Friday == WebExplorer, Saturday == Lynx, Sunday == Emacs-W3 %% ER! Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. PrimeOS is generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm the novice with verbosity. %% Less dead Saylors is always good. %% It wasn't enough Grey Poupon. %% pugno, pugnas, pugnat, pugnamus, pugnatis, pugnant. %% There's no way that's a pelican or a penguin. It must be Cthulhu! %% We're gonna take all the zippy quotes, all the rumors, and all the FoDs and make a program called Ruijmor. %% Your cookie has expired. No more rumors for you. %% Do not mock a killing bird. %% Yeah. i'll get right on that, as soon as I figure out what tool I should use to get my head out of my ass. -kc smith %% h4xxora, h4xxoras, h4xxorat, h4xxoramus, h4xxoratis, h4xxorant. %% echo "early" | addrumor; echo "often" | addrumor %% but since this is a mere style issue which could degenerate into a religious issue I think we should just take a vote by email... -zcm %% "He's lacking a certain... moral fiber." "But he knows a lot about Sean Connery!" %% "In the future, there won't be men or women, only wankers." %% g0ff: Eight Cats And Constantly Petting %% Mail from Sivitri the cat, requesting data. This mail will go to both Bob and g0ff. %% Mail with a data request about Sivitri the cat (Catflow?) This mail will go to Bob. %% Mail from Sivitri the Cat about Sivitri the Cat This mail will go to g0ff, and the Recursion Department. %% [fellatio] %% When Arun and Matt arrive, their first task should be adding some new rumors. %% So....... What should we name our new machines? %% "Quid in arca est?" "Dolor." %% I am not a Goth. I am Kevin. We "have" "..." nothing "in" 'common'. %% echo "`rumor` in bed." | addrumor %% I'm nothing but a pile of rags -- living a life forlorn... I am old, tattered, torn, but clean. %% When I am grimy and beyond your use, throw me on the floor to be cleaned and used again. %% Come the morn and your windshield is wet with dew and grimy with road dirt -- use ME instead of the towel. %% In the future, all ISPs run Windows 95. %% If I wanted your entrails, what would be your opinion? %% AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I _HATE_ OTHER PEOPLE's SOFTWARE!!!! death to sedreyer (and his little bugs too...) %% From her WINK to her MINK, this lady was GAY! %% You must be logged in to use ME instead of the towel. %% We need a rumor about pants, and a rumor about a bank. %% "Quid in arca est?" "Felis." %% No pat-on-the-back awards! %% Invalid null command. %% Jabba the Warez Hutt %% Blindness does not concern me, Oedipus... %% You have wandered into /usr/dict/words. You will probably be eaten by a 'cat /usr/dict/words | wall' %% All around the chicken world, all the chicken boys and girls want to waddle and go cluck so they call on Limbo Chuck. %% There are women flashers, too. Same coat, same job. -zcm %% Aslan is inherently unsecure. %% No disks for you Kelly...only DEATH! %% I am thoroughly convinced that the Bible is a horrible piece of material. %% This whole country is founded in shit! -crb %% Getting connecting with the meta-game could help my code. -zcm %% So is someone gonna tell me what a rumor is??? %% NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9... %% If anyone is missing the bottom clap to a lamp that clamps onto a table, it is in my office. -tla %% There's brie washed up on the shore? %% Delete This rumor. %% 16 MB DIMMS cost 77 bucks 8 MB DIMMS cost 70 bucks whats up with that? %% I love getting Cthulhus in my animal crackers! %% Noone understands him like his mother. %% We've just crossed the Diet Rite Event Horizon. %% Graphs may show lameness if the ticks are in the wrong place. %% But I'm talkin about Shaft And we can dig it %% "Hey, Matt... is there some computer student who's really into cats?" %% Saylor is... really boring. He talks... really slowly. He is... clinically dead. %% I stupiefy you! %% The Seven NAWQA Dwarves: Gropey Sleazy Horny Creepy Funky Gnarly Stupid %% There are no mere style issues. There are those who correctly assert that the brackets go on the same lines as the if, and there are the infidels who put it on its own line. %% vi is for infidels. %% C is a Spartan language, and so should your naming be. Unlike Modula-2 and Pascal programmers, C programmers do not use cute names like ThisVariableIsATemporaryCounter. A C programmer would call that variable "tmp", which is much easier to write, and not the least more difficult to understand. -Linus (/usr/src/linux/Documentation/CodingStyle) %% Out of a dailtone! %% Wow. I've never heard of anyone droping squirrels before... %% This is not a lame rumor. %% This is a rumor about pants. %% This is a rumor about a bank. %% Groogroo don't kill groogroo; groogroo do. %% Pkunk! Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk. Pkunk! %% Groogroo eat groogroo? %% Yueh, Yueh, a thousand rumors are not enough for Yueh. %% Do not pipette by mouth! %% "Of course Mr. Dole knows that the Dodgers are in LA. When he said they were from Brooklyn, he was joking!" %% You did try the -w switch, didn't you? %% How about a nice hunk of cheese? %% "In order to understand life, you have to fuck death in the gall bladder." -- the Baron in Andy Warhol's _Flesh for Frankenstein_ %% Bob Dole--with one slogan, he rips off both Nike and Nancy Reagan. %% Tail Recursion: If you're not tired yet, see Tail Recursion. %% I just got a Rumer Monster! on a mac!! %% My name is Wall...Larry Wall. %% The things we do for Warez. %% And the band played on. %% It could take long time to add up sum of infinite series. Not bright idea. %% Because of this scheme, we have FastGreg and BashCarol, and at least one other kickin' name. -Hayward %% yow | addrumor %% If you are missing your toothbrush and toothpaste, it is on the floor in the hall between Angel M. and the new NAWQA Chief's office. %% Who wrote the book of love? %% Well, this is definitely Lower Wacker Drive. %% Wed Oct 2 13:41:44 CDT 1996 %% Wed Oct 2 13:41:46 CDT 1996 %% I just macked on a Rumor Monster! %% Does the dog do the pissing in response to some wierd word? I think someone told me about that movie. %% You displace the little rumor. %% "...But we thought we'd generalize it because it looks kind of pretty. Sort of. You probably don't need to remember all this unless you're planning to write a Perl debugger. So let's get back to the topic of writing good software." -- chapter V %% Quake is here. Arun in fear. %% I am not a number. I am a free man. We are more...resistant. %% "I guess I'd call it a subtlety rather than a bug." -- Gurusamy Sarathy %% "(Mutually consenting classes may of course do whatever they like with each other, but even that doesn't necessarily make it right.)" -- chapter V %% In this case, magically means "transparantly doing something very complicated." You know the old saying -- any technology sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from a Perl script. %% my $name = $AUTOLOAD; %% You can test the higher levels of global destruction in the regular Perl executable... %% Blormal is a city near Chambana %% Hey here's two people I wasn't expecting today: Geoff because he wasn't scheduled Zach because he was --matt %% /home/mrw/proj/ws2.0/lib mrw@leibniz 10:04am 98> rumor One more minute! /home/mrw/proj/ws2.0/lib mrw@leibniz 10:04am 99> rumor Put the text editor down, and back away from the computer! /home/mrw/proj/ws2.0/lib mrw@leibniz 10:04am 100> rumor One more minute! %% Daktaklakpak 5576 squared! Utilization to the 356th power divided by warning! %% I'm a hacker, I'm a ruler, I'm a SCSI controller! %% I've now managed to replace two lines of elegant, working and broken perl with ten lines of clumsy, stupid, and broken perl. Whee. %% "Zach will shave your head AND turn it into a module for only $19.95!" -- MJH %% * Maigrey proudly has not made it to any quote pages or rumors, though she has been close. :) %% Out of a Dalitone! %% 155> ar is dead -god ar: dead: No such file or directory %% I've heard rumors about that one... %% I remember now... the word was 'Kalabash'. %% Out of this namespace! %% alias precmd 'fortune | addrumor' %% !retsnoM rorriM %% Boo. ]2;O}-{ %% *poke* ]2;Boo %% Zombie slapped a porno. Zombie porno? Ewww. %% Squirrels in space are too easy to trip on! %% %% #2, #5, #1, #5, #0, #4, #9... %% Angol violence. %% I would all five hundred rumors, and I would add five hundred more... %% (instruction; "Go To") | pascal -smoke %% Do not pipette by nose! %% If only we had a ligature, OEdipus would look so much cooler. %% Which word was 'Kalabash'? %% Jute violence. %% The internet is broken! %% I wonder what happens if we make "%%" into a rumor. %% Cohesiveness is the virtue of the viscous. %% "What's in the box?" "SCO, but if you dig deep enough you might find pain." %% Remember, kids, swrid.pid != swrid.pl. %% I cam't believe that this is the first rumor to mention Calliope! %% I want an extra-hot Lemon Shake-Up! %% In the future, all registration is at 11/25 %% Does X have Buddha nature? %% calli is a lazy bitchcat %% Wacky... When I press right shift many times on this mac, it plays a little tune for a moment and shows a little arrow in the corner by the finder. I don't think this one's a rumor monster. Easter egg? %% Go home. Now. %% Globals expected: $Cat $Tail %% Do something useful -- pet a cat. %% We really need cots here. %% We really need cats here. %% The cat in Trainspotting rules. %% In the future, all restaurants are... oh wait, that's been done. %% I am not an electron. I am an anti-proton. We are more...*massive*. %% 16 MB warez cost 0 bucks 8 MB warez cost 0 bucks whats up with THAT? %% We should name our next machine Calliope. %% That green mana woman is trying to make a forest out of me. %% Silly Cat Comix! http://www.muc.muohio.edu/~puck - read 'em out loud! %% Tell me of your whiskers, Sivitri. %% You sold my car for $600 to a known traffic menace? %% I'm fuzzy on this whole good/bad thing. Whaddya mean, bad? Imagine all life as you know it stopping and every molecule in your body simultaneously exploding at the speed of light. Total protonic reversal. Okay...that's bad. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon. %% leibniz: rumor | addrumor %% Would you like to play a game? %% I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought. %% William Wallace killed 50 men. 50, if it was 1. He killed 100 men. Cut through 'em like Moses, through the Red Sea. %% Everybody be cool...this is a robbery! %% I am. You are. All else may be. %% Down in the shadows of the penitentary, by the gas fires of the refinery. %% Normal glasses, that don't make people explode. %% Do not pipette by ear! %% Do not pipette by eye! %% Here's a band called Fun Lovin' Criminals. Their big hit is called "Scooby Snacks". Yet, track 9 is a cover of a Louis Armstrong song. Odd, isn't it? %% "How do you like my poem?" "I once heard that an infinite number of monkeys, given an infinte amount of time, will eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare." "But what about my poem?" "Three monkeys, ten minutes." %% Your stdio isn't very std. %% mrw@leibniz 7:56am 162> popd popd: Directory stack empty. And then there were none. / mrw@leibniz 7:56am 163> cd %% Death on a stick. Couch in the Boneyard. %% Tune in. Log on. Drop out. %% "Matt, can you name an Operating System that's as big a memory hog as windows, as slow as MacOS, uglier than Linux, and with the software support of OS/2?" "SCO." "How did you know?" %% My name is Plenty O'Toole. Ah, named for your father, no doubt? %% So - calliope.er.usgs.gov and mr-fu.er.usgs.gov? %% Does X have Ghandi nature? That is, does it beat its child processes? %% You don't have to dig far at all to find the pain in SCO. %% Do not pirate my mouth! %% leibniz:~/swr/bin/control> date Tue Oct 22 14:37:19 CDT 1996 Wed Oct 2 13:41:44 CDT 1996 Wow. I think the rumors are aware of tcsh. %% Ah ha! Finally a rumor I can attribute to jlgable! %% "Our greatest fear is that the Internet will become a vehicle of free distribution of information." - Ken Wasch, president of the Software Publishers Association %% I have no shell and I must screen(1). %% My name is Prince and I am funky %% Mike: I think we'll name this one Boole. George: Is that because it can only be on or off? Matt: Is it legal to beat your boss? %% emacs: great prices on top of great prices %% "... I've seen Sun monitors on fire off the side of the multimedia lab. I've seen NTU lights glitter in the dark near the Mail Gate. All these things will be lost in time, like the root partition last week. Time to die...". - Peter Gutmann in alt.sysadmin.recovery %% cd /home/jlgable/public_html/swr_prog_docs elvprsv /tmp/elv_1274.1 With fond wishes for a speedy recovery, Elvis %% I want to get a Cat-In-The-Hat award! %% I call the cookie 'Chewie'. %% [fellatio] - leibniz rumor woh(tm) I want a copy of that rumor... %% Cut DG - Paste PC? %% Palette shift in a box! %% A paddle-like voice says, "Bounce." %% I think I just figured out how to recognize Oscar's code... Subroutines are either 4-5 screens long, or 5 lines. %% We're on a simson from Dog. (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/> We're on a mission from FoD. (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/> How odd. %% Man, my pig is a desksty! %% In the future, all programs are compiled by Mark Roth. %% how sad: zcmiller is Babbeling at 6:05pm on ttyp2 of leibniz -27->uptime 6:05pm up 3 min, 3 users, load average: 0.29, 0.29, 0.12 %% You have stepped into an interstellar place You are not likely to be eaten by a GrooGroo %% Do not pipette my beer! %% Great Googlie-Mooglie. %% I stroke; you jump. I'm hot and you tease, 'cause I'm your tall cool one and I'm built to please. %% Normal traceroutes don't make YP explode. %% tick.usno.navy.mil may show DNS lameness. %% Well, this is definitely Slower Hacker Drive. %% Well, this is definitely a slow SCSI hard drive. %% The owls are not what they seem. %% Cooper: "Who's the lady with the log?" Truman: "We call her the log lady." %% I've got the Funk of Forty Thousand Years. %% You, too, can be replaced by an infinite number of monkeys. Yes, but consider how much more it would cost to feed an infinite number of monkeys for an infinite amount of time. Besides, they'd take forever to accomplish anything. %% This is a rumor about a rumor. %% Sometimes even the music cannot substitute for tears. %% Lapful of cats!!!! %% %% echo "`rumor` in bed." | addrumor in bed %% You have wandered into a wall, you will probably be eaten by a cat. %% Girlfriend, PlayStation, what more could a guy want? /home/mrw/bin mrw@leibniz 4:55pm 18> cd .. Warez, Cats, what more could a guy want? /home/mrw mrw@leibniz 4:55pm 19> %% the government will never be the same %% It's not misuse of government property unless you REALLY misuse government property. %% This is rumor 888. AIX admins like the number 888, as do Daktaklakpaks. %% good programs don't make the file system fill up better programs make the rumor file fill up %% "...and I think that Darth Vader beats Hugh Hefner any day." --Matt's Dad %% I was sitting in the morning in the Diner on the corner. %% mrw@leibniz 8:10am 31> nuke /dev/hdb1 nuke: Command not found. --Bummer, huh? %% Elvis Pineapple %% pool? %% Elite cats say MEoW. %% Is this love in the third degree? %% Sometimes even the music cannot substitute for warez. %% Of all the things I've lost, I miss my warez the most. %% 42> kill %1 [1] Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. [1] Done Obi-Wan %% Yay! We have kitty litter! %% Kitty litter spread over oil absorbs pretty well. %% Catch you in my death-bag! %% All I've got is frank incest, three wise men, and the mirth. ---El Dupree, "Sweat Along my Watchband" %% 109> rumor -f "[Ii]n the future" | grep -v . | wc -l 22 %% To find his equal, an Irishman is forced to look to the almighty. %% AAh, but I have two turntables AND a microphone. %% "...and the Universe will explode later for your entertainment." "Wow. What kind of drinks do you serve here?" %% Arrakis? Ice Cream. Dessert Cart. %% Subscribe to new group news.admin.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group sci.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group soc.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group talk.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.announce.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.newusers.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: And then in irc: *** 2) irc.portal.com 31337 Ahhhhh!!!! Too much in one day. %% I absorb trust like a love rhombus. %% I'm rational beyond the thought of terrified capacitance. %% rumor | sed -e 'y/abcdefghijklmnopqrstuxy/48cd3f941jX1mN0p9r57UXY/' %% "I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?" Death thought about it. CATS, he said eventually, CATS ARE NICE. -- Terry Prachett %% *peek* %% Regi-star ate my schedule! %% Some days are better than others. %% Oh, if only I had all the maple syrup in Canada, I'd never run out! %% Z: In the future, why not use the internet as a resource? ta: because in the future, all internets are timewastes %% Great Groogroo-Groogroo. %% Jared breaks anything: $.25 %% In the end, there can only be 251! %% "Zorak can lick my center of gravity." %% "Sheesh...Read Piers Anthony Books. That's a FOD rumor." %% Baygle sort is O(O)... where O is a baygle! %% I like this rumor that says, "I can't believe that this is the first rumor to mention Calliope!" Because it mentions Calliope. Rumors that mention Calliope are cool. -gtr %% I had a really good reason for not doing it your way. I'll be damned if I can remember what it was. -mrw %% "If I'm gonna die for a word, that word is 'warez'." %% Coke cans are buggy! -mrw %% Me Wise Magic. %% "No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die!" %% "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to give me Warez!" %% '"My name is Pussy Galore." "I must be dreaming." %% "My Golden Gun against your Walther PPK, Mr. Bond." "My six shots against your one?" "I only need one." %% I'm getting too old for this sort of thing. %% He's more machine than man now...twisted and evil. %% "You're not very tall." "I tried to be." %% Hm. Sounds like the catfood virus. %% Add This rumor. %% mrw@leibniz 5:49am 58> rumor -F rumor | grep -v . | wc -l 73 %% I have 15 Dilbert strips and the only piece of positive feedback I've ever received. %% poop? %% Because... warez is more than a word. %% leibniz:~/swr/incoming/swrid/getdv/incoming> rumor | sed -e 'y/abcdefghijklmnopqrstuxy/48cd3f941jX1mN0p9r57UXY/' HUm4N5 4r3 N07 p195 -- 743Y'11 347 4NY741N9. Humans are not pings -- they have little to do with UDP. %% weird...dgux has a pstree command but its _totally_ different pstree - produce directory map in PostScript %% its a good thing people say "on the fly" in quotes...otherwise we might get in trouble for allowing our webserver to abuse insects %% If we clutter the rumor file with lots of meaningless garbage we could make 1000 rumors. . %% Bob Dole, with 54 rumors he gets to have the 1000th rumor. %% Nancy Regan, with 53 rumors she gets to have the 1000th rumor %% Nike, with 52 rumors they get to have the 1000th rumor %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% I don't know about you but I am SICK of MEANINGLESS garbage in the RUMOR file. %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% SanAndreas fault: los angeles dumped. %% Ed? %% It's bit rot, man... %% It's cheese, man. It's all just cheese. %% I like that rumor about a cool rumor, cause rumors about cool rumors are cool. I like this rumor, cause self-referential recursive rumors are cool. %% kit:~/cheese/gdf 139> poosh Date Rumors 8s 8s 0729 17 ... 1111 3 1112 60 Ye Gods. %% I'm not sick of meaningless garbage in the rumor file. Hell, the whole rumor file is meaningless garbage. %% I have EXPUNGED my soul. %% Let's go to Denver! %% Isn't it weird when the rumor you just added is displayed imeediately? %% Lists of lists! Hashes of hashes! Rumors of rumors! %% I hear CHILDREN. %% Where is Jared? %% %% %% ]2;I hate rumors that change the title bar %% %% But how does the prayer get to God? You can thank a company called Virtual Jerusalem, based in Israel. Your prayer will be printed out and the slip will be inserted into a hole in the Wailing Wall. God will pick the prayers up there, according to ancient traditions. %% Whee! Look at me! I have jump jets! %% No, I do not have to know where my room mate is at all times. I checked my job description. Its not in there. %% HIT IT LITTLE BUNNY RABBITS! %% I was about to add a rumor, but I got flustered. %% It has been said that the thrill of running Windows for the first time in a high resolution, true color video mode is unmatched. However, since the video card sold to me by your company for a relatively large amount of money arently does not function in such a mode, I am not experiencing said thrills. Please remedy the situation as soon as possible. %% "To put it simply, in deference to you, Kent, it's like lasing a stick of dynamite." --Chris Knight %% 999: Rumor of the Beast, Hanging Upside-Down On The Jungle-Gym %% "What about that time I caught you naked with a bowl of Jello?" --Chris Knight %% This is rumor 1001. %% We made it! Whee! %% It's springtime for Hitler and Germany. %% meaningless garbage (sorry, i failed my saving throw) %% mrw@leibniz 1:03pm 57> echo "`rumor` in bed" Great Googlie-Mooglie. in bed %% We've been misspelling "Calabash". It's a kind of greasy, overcooked seafood. HTH. %% Don't you know? She's coming home with me. You'll lose her in that time. %% So that's three mistakes. We gave him his money back. We hung the wrong man. And we forgot to finish the job. Can't fix the first two. %% Do you have any last words? Do you happen to know where Mr. Garibaldi is? %% /usr/bin/yes | addrumor %% Your entry has been corrupted. You must be cool or something. %% futo, futere, futui, fututus %% I wonder if we can compile linux to run under sco emulation mode under linux by using the sco optimizing c compiler under sco emulation mode under linux %% I don't even remember saying anything about a movie where a dog pisses... %% what in your opinion is the criteria for smartest man that ever lived? %% There haven't been any chicken rumor in quite some time. %% I am the rumor file. %% My God! Is the rumor file becoming self-aware? %% "Yoda's not a muppet, he's a Jedi Master." %% if (whee==NULL) { printf("Whee is fucked\n"); exit(1); } %% What the hell's a Groogroo, anyhow? %% The Road goes ever on and on, down from the dorm where it began. %% %% An infinite number of monkeys would not take a long time to accomplish a task. You're guaranteed that there will be one monkey (in fact, an infinite number) working only on the correct task in the most efficient way. %% Whee is fucked. %% this is not a rumor about a rumor %% "yields falsehood when preceeded by its quotation", yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation. %% in the future all rumors are about how in the future all rumors are about the future %% thats better than having a friend in your car and he wants to get to pennsylvania! %% In the future, all houses are lemson-scented. %% //\/\\age helps! %% How come dry-erase erasers never fit on dry-erase boards? %% Never put reminders to yourself in your .login %% When you need to make a note to yourself, Addrumor. %% The best part of waking up is rumors in your cup. %% Calliope is pretty cool. %% Damnit. Who changed it to "You're entry"? That's even worse than "You entry"! %% Meow needs some serious petting. %% The line must be drawn here! %% I am the most unproductive carbon-based form of life ever to crawl from the primordial soup. %% telnet arh0277.urh.uiuc.edu 251 %% In the future, all Neils write papers with poop. %% Borg implants have been shown to cause severe skin irritation... %% I rather dislike it when people misquote Clerks. %% A disembodied voice adds a rumor. %% Pipetting anything by mouth is stupid. %% %% In the future, all files are --w-r-x--x. %% Choose a cat. Choose some warez. But why would anyone want to do *that*? %% Cthulhu must be a penguin, because he soothes me. %% Professor. Saylor. Is. A. Clairconctlar. %% I should have slept last night. %% I want my RAM!! %% Having RAM vanish is very saddening. %% Warez is more than a word; it's a way of life. %% You don't have to dig far at all to find the pain in CCSO. %% And so I was left with this freezer full of chocolate covered scabbards. %% Look at me Moltar. I am green with evil. %% There are 104 possibilities. Do you really wish to see them all? (y or n) %% Why does NCSA telnet have a Copy Table command? Furthermore, why does it crash the entire system? %% If we reach the point, after mr-fu, we should get muffin.er.usgs.gov. %% I addrumor, therefore I am. %% Excuse me while I go mad. %% William Wallace killed 50 men. 50, if it was 1. Hmm... That's two fifties, followed by a 1. %% If you haven't seen MEoWd yet, telnet to arh0277.urh.uiuc.edu, port 251. %% Connection closed by foreign host. %% Trying 127.0.0.1... telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused %% I'm porting myself to JVM... No! Say it ain't so! %% The best part of waking up is getting to pet a cat. %% A groogroo? Well, it's what groogroo eat, of course! %% A groogroo? It's what eats groogroo, of course! %% I hate title bars that change the rumors. %% Use "rm -rf * .*" to logout. %% Use "echo W4R3Z | mailx president@whitehouse.gov" to logout. %% Is Kalabash like Carol Bash? %% Good, Bad. I'm the guy with the warez. %% Would you like an analgesic cream? %% Maybe. %% A penny for your thoughts, my dear, An IOU for your love... %% http://leibniz.er.usgs.gov/swr/RM for a good time %% > echo "`rumor` in bed" I am not a Goth. I am an anti-clown. We are more...*intense*. in bed %% > echo "`rumor` in bed" We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect in bed %% For example, Ford's "Quality is Job 1," doesn't describe a car manufacture, it captures what Ford values most--quality. %% In the future, we are all Kosh. %% Add This rumor. %% Only Java would suggest casting this. (That is, the pointer "this".) %% Magic cookie monster. %% Ooh, I'm sorry. Triple-cliking the Icon of Death isn't in this version of the API. in bed %% God says he can get me out o' this, but he's pretty sure you're fucked. %% Add a rumor by menu! %% Once a man stood shaking ticklines out of his hair all day. %% Hey! They're frosted! Hey! We're clay! %% "There is a great deal of poetry and good sentiment in a cup of tea." "I hope there is also a great deal of caffeine." %% It's now been two years since I programmed in FORTRAN while sober. %% The line must be coded HERE! %% I am Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. Prepare to be approximated. %% Death to the proles! %% Have you called your mother lately? %% Phhht. Norv's a splinterhead dingbat. %% ftp> quit 221 Goodbye. goodbye? (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/flood/ > %% PooPoo eat PooPoo. %% Thanks, Anne. %% I hate title bars that change the rumor. %% never do $t = exp($k*log(10)) when $t = ( ($k>=0) ? '1'.'0' x $k : '0.'.'0' x (abs($k)-1).'1' ) will do it *accurately* %% In the future, the online Ditka Help will reroute your files %% In the future, the online Ditka Help will reroute your files with offensive gestures, too. %% In the future, the online Ditka Help will reroute your files with offensive gestures, too. - bytnar rumor %% Violence is always the answer. %% But directly the mulberry tree begins to make you circle, break off. %% But directly the mulberry tree begins to make you circle, break off. Pelt the tree with laughter. - Virginia Woolf %% my goal in life is to be a lazy bitchcat %% webmaster/feedback/complaints has 45 messages ( 1- 45). webmaster/feedback/positive has 1 message ( 1- 1). %% "I don't think so. I'm looking for a great warrior." "Mmmmmmm. Wars not make one great." %% You know, I can't think of one decent rumor to add this morning. So I suppose that I'll add one that's really lame. %% I can sum it up for you in one word: You never know. %% Haikus are the best form of poetry. Rather than relying on talent, or even in some cases (Hellloooooo, Emily Dickinson) forced rhymes, all you have to do is write down crap and count the syllables. %% Death to the proles. %% Home is where you pet 7 cats! %% Please do not chmod 666 /etc/motd, as this is satanic. %% "If you've graduated from here with a degree in Computer Science WITHOUT going on probation, then you've shortchanged yourself-- you haven't been learning enough." -gtr %% In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen. And won their freedom. %% You dropped your rock. %% The word that commanded the dog to piss. %% Ah, but there would also be an infinite number of monkeys working on each infinite incorrect variation of a task. And thus, you would have infinite inefficiency. Or, what would happen if Microsoft hired Oscar. %% There won't be any Justice of the Peace for you, just a big piece of Justice! -- The Tick %% Well, swrid just started churning. Guess I'll go home now. %% I'm just trying to get your goat. How could you get my goat? I don't even have a goat! %% Help, I'm trapped in a rumor file! %% Well, swrid just started churning again. Guess it's time for VI. %% swrid annexes leibniz: $0.25 %% Blue canary in the oven, by the lightswitch. %% I am the rumor file. I AM the rumor file. I AM The Rumor File. Ah...now that's settled. I AM the Rumor File. What's for lunch? %% "Anything with a dead ballerina bleeding out of her mouth on the cover has to be cool." -Andy Waratuke %% Life with Christians somewhat burned the witches. %% "Well, we could just log into MEoW and echo slash-G's to the console until he wakes up." -gdf %% There's death in the air and fire in the sky and the love in your arms is so shallow. %% BaYGLeZZZZ!@$#!@#$!@#$@!#% %% TA: I dont think you have to sleep with tony to see Sivitri. If he tries to make you, tell him NO! %% The motd on calliope is pretty cool. %% There are 1140 rumors. Do you really wish to see them all? (y or n) %% I have 2 turntables and the only microphone I've ever received. %% no no gdf = g. david frye %% make sure you kill all the little children too %% There's no need to pet the master if you can pet the cat. %% "Mmmmmmm. Warez not make one great." %% Jared, please throw away your used cupcake wrappers. Thank you, the Mgt. %% All this time, and I've never gotten "Death of Fresh Air". The rumor about my hair makes so much more sense now... %% They've made a Snow Crash CD-Rom game. Isn't that kinda dangerous? %% I have two TURNTABLES and a ACID SQUIRREL! %% In the future, all streams have a discharge of 251. %% Milk. It does a body good. %% Your life is not empty and shallow. You have a computer. %% I got your MEoW suggestion. Thanks, -Ari %% * Ark is down in his room for all who wish to visit * Pickaxe might do that after he fucks over some more cluster users %% I need another computer in this place... especially if I'm living alone %% I need another computer in this place; especially if I'm living alone next semester. %% "Mmmmmmm. Warez not make one great." %% M34N1N91355 94r8493 %% There are 8 billion tales in the naked Universe. %% Yay! I got matched to Catherine H. Icken! %% My name is Gates...Bill Gates. Hey, put the gun down! %% Shooting at the walls of heartache... Bang! Bang! %% mrw@leibniz 1:04pm 20> echo `rumor` in bed [fellatio] - leibniz rumor woh(tm) I want a copy of that rumor... in bed %% mrw@leibniz 1:05pm 24> echo `rumor` in bed A penny for your thoughts, my dear, An IOU for your love... in bed %% mrw@leibniz 1:06pm 32> echo `rumor` in bed It would be much cooler if they fought wars with Haiku. --Matt in bed %% shake before using %% For a good time, try http://meow.isdn.uiuc.edu/~raye/cats.html %% I am Bill of Borg. Linux is futile. Prepare to be "started". %% Pin the tail on the Funky. %% Would you trade your Warez for what's behind curtain number 2? %% In my aquarium, the best book is "Perl 5 in 21 Days" %% leibniz:abhalla<~>45:telnet arh0277.urh.uiuc.edu 251 Trying 128.174.192.41... Connected to arh0277.urh.uiuc.edu. Escape character is '^]'. You are cat number: 443 kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kit ty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty ki tty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty k itty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitt y kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kit ty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty ki tty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty k itty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitt y kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kit ty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty ki tty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty k itty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitt y kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty Connection closed by foreign host. Subscribe to new group news.admin.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group sci.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group soc.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group talk.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.announce.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.newusers.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: And then in irc: *** 2) irc.portal.com 31337 Ahhhhh!!!! Too much in one day. %% And the beast shall come forth surrounded by a roiling cloud of vengeance. The house of the unbelievers shall be razed and they shall be scorched to the earth. Their tags shall blink until the end of days. from The Book of Mozilla, 12:10 %% You can still fight when you're drunk! %% I want to be exsanguinated when I grow up. %% You misspelled "Regi*star". Hope this helps. %% I am Kevin of "Borg". "Montana" is "futile". Prepare to be "clicked". %% Sally Kendrick does have an accomplice: herself. %% You should use chlorine to eradicate the dinoflagellates in the swimming pool. %% Junk food is cool, especially junk food six-sided dice. -nac %% Do not run! We are your friends! %% Call 1-900-HOT-CR10, only $1.25/min %% That crazy daemon guy. %% He's flying like a bat out of hell! %% Doog::Doog() %% %% Mum! Dad! Don't touch it! It's EVIL!! %% AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA %% Rumor, rumor, rumor, I made you out of clay... %% Hey, dude, don't say pig fucker in front of Jesus. %% Guess it wasn't the dove. %% I have two drumsticks and a crash cymbal. %% That's what you get a wookie for Christmas When he's already got a comb. %% Lovely bird, beautiful plumage! %% We dine well here in Camelot We eat ham and jam and spam a lot %% Ohhh... the cat's eaten it. %% Do not chmod by nose! %% Cry havoc, and loose the hounds of war. %% What's the difference between you and yogurt? Yogurt's got culture. %% I know! "comp | addrumor"! %% goddamnfuckingpieceofshit: command not found %% Would you trade your funk for what's behind curtain number two? %% "I'm going to write you a reality check! Unless, of course, you'd prefer the cold cash of justice." -- The Tick %% SPOOOOOOOOOOON! %% www.soulbroker.com %% "What's Dick's method for solving problems? Let me tell you. First, you write down the question. Then, you think very hard. Then, you write down the answer." -- Murray Gell-Mann %% So, why is it that all the people I know who cheat on exams are applying for jobs at Microsoft? %% Is it wrong to add rumors just to play with Greg's home page? %% Bananarama? %% Netscape 4.0 looks like MSIE. Great...I'm gonna download XMosaic 1.43 %% Argument for -c ends in backslash. %% soxmas is cool. %% Pin the tail on the Pkunk. %% meaningful garbage %% Connection closed by local host. %% Cicadas are cool because they buzz. %% In the future, all TVs post to usenet. %% gdfast@kit:~/cheese/sdf-1 198> set | grep shell shell /usr/local/bin/rumor %% Carl Sagan is dead, alas. %% Of all the directories in all the filesystems in all the world, she had to walk into minesweeper. %% Twinkies should not exist. %% In the future, all root users are named 'snapple'. %% For all x, x = 251. %% In the future, all cartoons have an animated likeness of Chelsea Clinton. %% Anyone know anything about TEX or LaTEX? %% i'm going to turn into a big strawberry pretty soon %% You have an excellent point there... and I'm going to add it as a rumor. %% No cheese packets for you, macaroni... only death! %% Sleep rocks. -gtr %% "Grover's not a muppet, he's an Umgah 'caster." %% My God, it's full of warez. %% Carpe warez. %% Carpe Pullum: Seize the Chicken. %% "Seize the Chicken"? Can you do that in public? %% Pot...kettle...you know the score... %% In the future, all programs have memory leaks. %% Warez, Warez, Warez, I made you out of clay... %% %% The spline must be drawn here! %% Thoughts like that make people's brains dissolve... and then they trickle out your ear. --crb %% I'm doing laps around the virtual desktop. %% You ARE Spaceghost! No, I'm just g0ff. %% I was a rat in my last life, and with the way I treat people in this one, I'll be a rat in my next one. %% Islam is inherently unsecure. %% "I'm not paying any attention to you right now." -gtr %% We now have lpr capabilities on the cat cluster! Hooray! %% Is there any way to set setuid/setguid/sticky bits with built-in perl commands? %% The MFCs are not what they seem. %% leibniz:/var/ftp/watertest/IL/historical_discharge> echo `rumor` in bed People are still having sex. in bed Imagine that! %% Do tell. What is a love rhombus? %% So what is this "one other kickin' name?" %% Because of Scheme, we have (Fast (lambda (Greg))) and (Bash (lambda (Carol))) and at least one other excessive use of parentheses. %% gdfast@leibniz:~ 2> folder inbox+ has 1740 messages ( 1-2714). %% the captain finds the ruins of the Bjorn city B'halla B'halla = lost holy city %% wait, Arun Bhalla... wasn't that a guy who wrote some BBS door? %% In the future, all hours are the Hour of the Wolf. %% Nobody wants to date you 'cause you're a dog! %% "Nobody wants to date you 'cause you're a dog! A dog! A... I can't stand up!" "You *are* standing up." %% I stabbed them and threw them in the lake. %% Hooray for Shok-tar, evil robot monster! Hooray! %% I want to be a backtick when I grow up. %% Supox Blades can fly sideways. %% Warez. It does a body good. %% Milk. It does a free-body diagram good. %% Zulu eat Zulu. %% Zuul eat Zuul. %% Only two dollars have ever been paid for chocolate coated paper covers. %% It's a pity he didn't kill that wretched creature when he had a chance. Pity? It was pity that stayed his blade. %% How about irc.roswell.gov? %% He has his contradicting views She has her cyclothymic moods They make a study in dispair Three of a perfect pair %% In the future, all rumors are symlinks. %% %% I have taken my vengeance upon the ignoble rat. %% # "...I SHOT the albatross..." %% Everybody be cool...this is a dromendary! %% while talking about where to eat chinese food I see the following on my screen: strfry (3) - randomize a string %% I WAS REFERRING TO A LUMBER RACK NOT LUMBER RAKE. OOPS! %% Ih! I'm Captain America and this is Billy %% You can't run BSD 4.4 on parents. %% You will soon be visited by an Incan monkey God with culinary skills %% **You** should install the dc-like program for Linux that we didn't install! %% You are a perfectionist. Don't spoil it in bed. %% Oh, don't give me no more of that Old Janx Spirit No, don't you five me no more of that old Jax Spirit For my head will fly, my tongue will lie, my eyes will fry and I may die Won't you pour me one more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit %% Moo. %% Does that silly babbel really mean "swapon /dev/hda2"? %% MH is the Meijer's of mailers. %% Isn't it weird when you add a rumor, and the rumor that goes "Isn't it weird when the rumor you just added is displayed imeediately?" appears? %% "Basically, g0ff just needs to be close-captioned. %% Rumors are not of me, or you, or anyone. They are of us all, and all of us. If that makes any sense... %% HAL's birth in Urbana is the launch pad for Cyberfest '97, a weeklong festival planned as a "Woodstock for the [computer] wired." %% ci co RCS rocks. %% Admiral: "So, how did you find this 'Balla'?" Sisko: "It's [the ancient Bajoran city] B'hala. And I saw it in a vision." %% Hello, this is Mr. Rabbit. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm preparing some hot tea and some milk for some visitors. Please call back another time. Thank you. %% Broken IRC servers are no fun at all. %% "AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking bus with hundreds of ebola victims on board throwing dead wombats and rotten cabbage at the other cars, most of which have been assembles at home from kits." - An unnamed staffer in the America Online productions department in a message about "Suppose the highways were like the net..." %% Broadcast Message from wwebster@leibniz (/dev/ttyp3) at 17:57 ... IRCd is retarded %% Let's try to avoid putting blank lines into rumors, please. %% Never try to teach a rumor to sing. It doesn't work and it annoys the rumor. %% It's a buddhist riff, for your inner ear. %% In fourteen-hundred-ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. %% Would it be good or bad if I were to add all the FoD rumors as leibniz rumors? %% Yay! I elicited laughter! %% Your video isn't very vid. %% What fun is a language if you can't put a semi-colon after a curly-brace? %% The grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. Its favorite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light. No grue has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale. %% In the future all machines are named ash. (q.v. ash.eit.com, ash.vnd.tek.com) %% Who is to say that even if there is one monkey working on the task in the most efficient way, that the most efficient way doesn't take a long (or infinite) amount of time? %% %% If you had seen that rumor, it would already have been too late. %% We need to buy Nexar computers. Why? Because they offer "Cache on a Stick." %% Cache on a stick Couch in the Boneyard %% According to Federal Computer Weekly, in 1997, Windows NT is "in", while UNIX is "out". Uh-oh. We'd better upgrade the cats to NT... Which would, of course, be cruelty to animals. But who's counting? %% Not even Wensleydale? %% A thousand buckets of Piss... now that is a name for a band -dgf %% Please 'keep' this email. %% I'm a lumber rack and I'm okay. I sleep all night and I work all day. %% Dave Schrader must die. %% Death to Dave Schrader. %% I tried to click.. but I don't know how! %% I want to be a moral dilemma when I grow up. %% Ahh! We're having meta-meta-discussions! Help! %% The cat in Clerks rules. %% Comprehension dawns. %% I make my friends. I make toys, and they are my friends. %% There hasn't been any chicken limbo in quite some time. %% My father, you know, God... %% And remember, we're open until 6 pm for your convenience. %% IImmediate death of the inodes predicted! %% You've got to love a mailer that includes a program called "pico". %% My criteria for the smartest man ever include "made significant contributions to several fields", which precludes such single-minded geniuses as Newton, Mozart, and Professor Liu. %% Death to Lanfear! %% The Mississippi District Office in Pearl will be closed at noon today because of rain and icy conditions. %% The Mississippi District Office in Python will be closed at noon today because of rain and icy conditions. %% It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one. %% By definition, one divided by zero is undefined. %% This script is rapidly becoming unbelievably dumb! %% No, we're just twinkies. %% Maybe I'm a perpetually-eating machine. %% Don't be stupid, warez don't spoil. %% "Well, it looks like you're getting Johnny Cash confused with Frank Sinatra." "As I often do." %% I'm as corny as Kansas in August High as a flag on the Fourth of July %% Everybody loves showtunes! %% You have wandered into Larry Wall. You will probably be eaten by a camel. %% Boom. %% Good, bad, I'm the guy with the siud bit. %% seriously though there are not more memory leaks don't get all jumpy %% I'm porting Linux to myself. %% "Who's the lady with the coffee?" "We call her the coffee lady." %% "The tean will also need a directory parallel to /usr/opt/www/httpd/swr, to be called /usr/opt/www/httpd/watstore." WHO TALKS LIKE THAT?!?! %% The students typically work weird hours. Weirdos! %% This needs to be redrawn. Can you send a whiteboard a ctrl-L? %% It's really a shame I never get mail from Sivitri the Cat. %% I am Lanfear of WATSTORE. Creativity is Futile. Prepare to be given a really fucking stupid acronym. %% rm -Less dead Saylors is always good. %% I would assume that the "one other kickin' name" would be SuitsMelissa. %% All of pi is a rumor. %% "All of pi is a rumor." is a rumor. %% i wonder what cheesegrep is %% Does Lanfear understand "cool"? %% Dude, don't say "Montana" in front of SWR. %% we have to use it for something.. otherwise we wasted a lot of money. We're the government. That's our job. %% I need NAWQA for my bunghole! %% "When I was growing up, I never imagined that I'd be working for the Federal Government, eating a Frosty with an airplane spoon. Life's turned out much better than I expected." -Andy Waratuke %% Maybe I'm perpetually eating a machine. %% The link to Oscar Cwajbaum's "Thoughts and Reflections" does not work. %% Blong! You're a pickle! %% No, 'cd' will not let me join a channel. %% in the future, all tabs are represented by cats %% That's kinda like a memory leak. %% We're just two lost souls watching Babylon 5 in a fishbowl. %% dammit, if something says "SQL", you'd expect it to at least RECOGNIZE the ANSI standard. the m in mSQL stands for "moronic" %% CodeWarrior... it's like MechWarrior, except you get structs instead of mechs. %% "Clerks %% Meijer is a text editor because you need it everyday. %% Club Pseudo. Is that a club where a bunch of people have root? %% Medium devsel. Fast back-to-back capable. Master Capable. No bursts. %% "HyDRA" itself got 7 hits, most to a software package named "HyDRA" and one to a site I probably wouldn't want to be confused with. - Ken Lanfear %% g0ff: The Cathering %% Why don't you try on one of your monkey's loincloths while you're at it, you little rumor. %% Karate dog my foot. %% Hooray for "other kickin' names"! %% Hand me the plate tectonics, rap caption. %% A Lanfear-like voice understands "cool." %% Bob Dole is gross and smoggy and has no slogans. %% I want to make two directories perpendicular to each other. %% They are not SQR whores! %% Compression dawns. %% Ask any real guru a question, so the saying goes, and he will reply with a cryptic "RTFM."* ---------- * "Read the Manual" -- the F is usually silent. %% Finally, a rumor I can attribute to Jenny Gable. %% Send corrections or additions to this document to We're on a mission from Nod. %% What is NWISII? NWISII? That's a horrible tale, son. Full of fear and loathing, shame and regret, NWISII was a nightmare for the world. This is the story of those brave computer students who chose to fight the Evil of NWISII. Watch, as Zach the Wizard slays the Evil Ken Lanfear! Gaze in terror, as Matt of Williamsburg fights Alan Lumb in single combat. Lord Hayward and Sir Arun, noble knights, fight off a horde of undead Montana programmers! Jared is killed by a small mimic, hiding in the HyDRA stronghold, which was posing as a phone. He kicked it, and it came to life and killed him. %% Another good file mode is -r-x--sr-x. %% Your radio isn't very rad. %% I booted Windows in true-color, high-resolution mode last night. Believe me, the thrill was unmatched. %% Well, we ran a search for "Lanfear","Pig",and "Fucker", so we're going to rename SWR "Lanfears is a Pig Fucker" %% IF THE LOCK IS FOUND FROZEN, BRING IT IN TO THAW OR GET ANOTHER 2640 LOCK. %% Unmutaks are small and fast, but easy to defeat. %% Fri Jan 17 15:03:31 CST 1997 %% ...but it will only do it accurately for integers... %% %% JW: 'What are you going to do with your amp? You have nothing to hook it up to.' MH: 'Take it out of the box and lick it.' %% "best" is the default, though it may not be the best default. %% Jean-Luc Picard has no pubes. -MJH %% I don't know, around 3 AM Brian Sebby starts to look pretty attractive. -MJH %% I hope if I ever have sex, I have a better band. -MJH %% NEGATIVE REPLIES ARE NOT REQUIRED. %% Ethically??? I don't see how ethics enter into this. It's not as if WATSTORE is a racial slur or a memorial to some atrocity. %% Of all the directories in all the filesystems in all the world, she had to walk into freecell. %% Mise en place de la messagerie du M88 : Conception, rialisation, optimisation et intigration de la couche communication d'un systhme multiprocesseur embarqui avec des contraintes de performances serries. Environnement : C, Microtek, VAX/VMS, PALAS, MACH, SADT, XRAY, RTC, 68020, NWIS. interesting. %% Isn't it weird when you are about to add a rumor, and that rumor appears? %% "The brains of babies, when they are born, are basically good for nothing except sucking." -- gdf's ling 200 prof %% Feet of Clay %% eth0: Media 10baseT has link beat, 88c0. %% I hate rumors with embedded ^Ls almost as much as Meaningless Garbage. %% Gumby, Gumby, Gumby, I made you out of clay. %% date, gage height, discharge 1983 3 2 5:15:0,2.51, %% I want to get a USGS t-shirt. It would be cool. I could put it on my dog. %% We need more rumors! %% "If I'm gonna die for a word, that word is 'root'." %% "If I'm going to die from a word, that word is 'WATSTORE'." %% Do the Martian Dance. %% Bananas in Pajamas? %% Bryan Kieft will be the death of you A[4~[4~€€ %% %% Bryan Keift will be the death of you all! %% Bryan Kieft will be the death of you all! %% Jared provides *GOGO* for the *DANCING* %% Your head is so small you only hit a 'u'! %% %% I've got my mind on my money and my money on my mind %% "I can never tell if that's a rumor or not! No, that's a segfault." %% I find it scary that fvwm2 supports the M$ 'menu' key. %% Oops. Xemacs supports the 'menu' key. I feel much better. %% C++ (doubleplusC): More proof that Stroustrup is totalitarian. %% DRS: Distributed Rumor Server or Data Retrieval System? %% So we're going to send the back-end to Russia for a month? %% Step in a pig? %% You may regulate the sodium level by simply using less of the seasoning packet. %% I rather dislike it when people misquote Clerics. %% That was a rumor about pants. %% That was a rumor about a rumor about pants. %% rm Bob Dole, with 54 rumors. %% Leprechaun = kender? %% Kender fun!!!!! %% Well, we have now officially passed the FoD rumors - 431 to 427. (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/public_html/swr_mod_docs/ > rumor -c 1444 %% Attachment (from the Web) %% Feed the Rush %% Colon cancer! %% Hitler! %% Kevin Oberg bears a striking resemblance to Obi-Wan Kenobi %% You're darker than a freaking goth! %% /join #aol Type now for a special suprise! %% Roses are Fred Violets are Fred Everything is Fred My eyes are bleeding! %% Your patch is in the "please rape me" category and should be refused. %% YOU MUST REGISTER TO ATTEND. DO IT AT THE WEBSITE %% A pool-like voice says, "Bounce." %% Who put up the rumor about Brian Kieft?! %% "Terabyte" is distinctive from "Terrabytes," despite how cheesy the name might be. Nevertheless, there are over 200 matches for "Terrabytes" on Altavista, some being links to actual companies by that name, others by people who can't spell, and even others for youth soccer leagues. ... Youth soccer leagues? Wacky. %% THE VAN THAT CAME FROM MTV OFFICE IS A 1990 DODGE MINIVAN-VEHICLE #251973. SO FAR, WE HAVE NOT ASSIGNED ANYONE TO THAT VEHICLE. IF I DO NOT HERE OTHERWISE, THE VEHICLE IS YOURS. %% Take the perl purity test... http://www.perl.org/CPAN/misc/perl.purity.test %% "For crissake," said Danny, "I musta scored for the Immaculate Fix." %% *** Geoff is a deity of the small screen *** Geoff has been idle 1024 minutes %% No free tech support! %% There is no intention for trying to make the ps files hard to print. IN FACT IT IS AN EXTRA HELP PROVIDED BY THE TAS. %% A man, a plan, a canoe, pasta, hero's rajahs, a coloratura, maps, snipe, percale, macaroni, a gag, a banana bag, a tan, a cat, a mane, paper, a Toyota, rep, a pen, a mat, a can, a tag, a banana bag again, or: a camel, a crepe,  pins, spam, a rut, a Rolo, cash, a jar, sore hats, a peon, a canal, Panama! %% I like programs which recognize 'bye' but not 'exit'. %% MR ducks MR not ducks CDEDBD wings? MR ducks %% MRW MR not W CDEDBD login? MRW %% MR Deparducs MR not Deparducs CDEDBD nose? MR not Deparducs %% Suspended [4] 505 506 507 508 509 510 neat. %% The Kender hits! Your purse feels light as a feather. %% doinet... is that like DUInet? %% You want to be the man, but before you can be the man, you've got to be the man.And Chewbaca is the man. %% "I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!" "Swallow this." %% "This is the best meeting ever!" --ZCM %% "The moment you don't respect the prime is the moment it kills you." --GTR %% "Watch out my friend: Gnome Boy Cometh." --ZCM %% In one thousand years, there won't be any men or women, only wankers. %% In the future, all people are wankers. %% SURGE!!! %% "We made fun of h2o for that." "What, running a porn server?" %% P(2B || !(2B)) = T %% So please, a little respect, for I am: Costansa, Lord of the Idiots. %% "ALF pogs! You remember ALF, doen't you?" %% "Naw, I gotta' keep the window open. It's my roomate; he smells so bad I'd lidie or something." --JDW's roomate. . %% Pablo Honey? %% We take data that, in some cases, people have risked their lives for, and store it in the electronic equivalent of a shoebox. -Ken Lanfear %% "And that is why evil will always triumph. Because good is Dumb!" %% Lists of lists are better, but lists of lists are easier to implement. %% I may not be able to beat you up, I may not even be able to keep you from beating me up. But there is a woman with stubble who would walk through the fire for me, and she could KICK YOUR ASS. %% "Imagine if you will The Perfect World... A world where we all live in peace, together...No money...we all work together to make society work...A society of friends, of comrades, of lovers, and of world wide harmony! No poverty, no greed, no deprecation. This is the perfect world...many have agreed with me Karl Marx for one Think About it...." -The Commie, Babbel Book 6.0 %% "Liberals feel unworthy of their possesions; Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen." -Mort Sahl %% "The early worm gets caught" -The Procrastinators Manifesto %% "Black holes are where God divided by zero!" -- Gerald J. Jurrens N2GJ %% "Humans are not pigs; they'll eat anything" -Matt Groenig %% "The only difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad." -Salvador Dali %% **** * * * * * TUIT * * * * * **** "This is an indispensible item for everyone. Most of us have often said, "I'll do it as soon as I get a "round tuit." Well, here is a "round tuit." Cut it out. Keep it handy, and you'll have no more trouble getting all those extras done, for you'll have finally gotten a "round tuit." -excerpt from "Building English Skills:Blue Level" %% Violence sometimes may have cleared away obstructions quickly, but it never has proven itself creative. (Einstein) %% Is that a movie about gay people and I didn't realize it, or did they just really like it? %% Jen Gable told us that she needed to make her Kender more Kenderish. %% He was the mean hacker, as opposed to the nice hackers, who were cute and fuzzy. %% it hurts you too %% meaningless garbage is the spice of life... %% I've got a tab of blotter squirrel. %% My love for you is like a truck, addrumor. Would you like some making fuck, addrumor? %% Fables of the Reconstruction! %% I know! %% meaningful garbage %% Area 51 at location 2515, collected 24 FS words. %% meaningful discussion %% These aren't the droids you're looking for. %% Hm. I got 0 hours of sleep, but now I have a paper about a fox. %% The first in a series of movies on volcanoes erupted on the screen last weekend. %% "Nice game....you suck!" %% "It's Saturday night. 7:10 pm. Oatmeal time." -Marisela %% You don't have to bribe me to use my machine. %% Friends don't let friends drink and compute. %% AUTHOR FvwmCpp is the result of a random bit mutation on a hard disk, presumably a result of a cosmic-ray or some such thing. %% I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control %% "Time is distributed through a hierarchy of NTP servers" So there was no time before NTP? %% grep: useless: Is a directory %% I love watching cheese melt. -Marisela %% F77 Prime's extended version of FORTRAN 77. The F77 language conforms fully to ANSI X3.9-1978. - Fortran 77 Reference Guide %% The PRIMOS EDITOR and EMACS text editing utilities produce and expect SAM files of formatted, variable-length records. A file created with these attributes by an F77 program may be edited freely. Wow. Emacs is as old as I am. %% I'm running on three hours of sleep and a full pot of coffee -gdf %% And it's your hard, It's your hard, It's your hard disk 'sgonna crash. %% "Please, please take my money!" %% THIS MESSAGE FOR THOSE WHO COMPLETE TRAVEL VOUCHERS IN TRAVMAN!! %% Tired of winter? Check out summertime on our Antarctica Stream Hydrology pages! Definitely a "cool site!" %% the wwwdilurb DNR table is very out of date and silly %% THIS MESSAGE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT VALID. %% THIS RUMOR IS OBVIOUSLY NOT VALID. %% Deuterium? That's horrible! %% The Zagreb daily Vecernji List said on Wednesday the three high school students, surfing the Internet on their home computer, applied a search program and deciphered codes, barging into the database of several U.S. military installations. %% /me laughs. Oh, wait. This isn't IRC. Damn. %% I wonder. Could we spell my name with Greg's rumor graph, if we tried really, really hard? %% "Are you okay?" "No, man, I'm pretty fucking far from okay." %% Linux computers use LILO. %% GOBLIN is not cool. %% Penile traume?!?! I'm agog... %% "If you push that goddam button one more time I'll beat you untill you're too uglly for radio!" %% %% Ultima computers play IOLO. %% Is GOBLIN anything like SPIDER? %% Du Page finally has internet access (at least that's the rumour). %% Stan, remember the warez when you were three? %% "What's in the box?" "A spool of yellowish polypropylene rope." %% "What's in the box?" "Straws, but if you move the box you might find pain." %% Look at what the guys who blow glass gave me: a glass dick. %% In the future, all web pages are recursively enumerable. %% What's more important, the seven dollars or your sanity? %% an exclamation point is nothing but a question mark in a gaseous state %% An exclamation point is nothing but a question mark in a gaseous state. %% Tachyon computing - done before it's implemented. %% Death was walking into Altgeld last night. %% * Brak hates rumors why do you hate rumors? 'cause they're not funnty or funny %% catenate is an obscure word meaning "to connect in a series", which is what the "cat" command does to one or more files. Not to be confused with C/A/T, the Computer Aided Typesetter. %% My ear sounds like it is purring. %% Too many monkeys and no baby typewriters. %% "Leaving Las Vegas"... is that like "Escape From L.A."? %% There's like 40 fifths of alcohols. Wow, that makes 8. %% I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. That's ok, I wasn't saying anything important. %% %% %% "This is just like the Riviera in '67!" "Yeah, except now I don't have my own teeth!" %% High school could have been all about Warez. %% Espresso Royale %% Jungle Boogie %% They were MUDders and proto-hacker globules. %% Well, of course I didn't go to the security workshop, I needed to drink. %% Let me work up a sweat and you can lick my forehead. %% go to sleep and dream of warez, because it's as close as you will get to warez poor lame d00d %% (Do you need to predeclare if?) %% YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got *SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM* YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is *MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT* %% YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got *SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM* YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is *MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT* %% OLD BEN, Are you listenin' to me? I can't TRAIN HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha *HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE* YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be GOING, off to save all your friends? To be TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you *WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK* %% Now Han, a statue, is a good sight I'm glad, that Vader, used carbonite He's not, asleep, he's stuck in a dream. I like, his face-perpetual scream! %% Now Jabba the Hutt is a friend of mine he gives me my life for free And because he's a Hutt, why, we all kiss his butt or the rancor will have us for tea. He said "Bo Shuda, offom da Tukatti!" as he stuffed a frog into his face but we don't know a woid, 'cause he shot the talkdroid So we'll smile and nod, just in case. %% YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I said YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I *MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY* YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am WONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How you GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say *WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT* %% Come the moron and your windshield is wet with dew and gimpy with road dirt -- use ME instead of the trowel. %% Sam sat on the ground and put his head in his hands. 'I wish I had never come here, and I don't want to see no more magic,' he said, and fell silent. This rumor sucks. %% "I don't care who you are, Fatso. Just get those reindeer off my roof." %% "Shaq is not the man. He's the man because the NBA wants him to be the man, but before you can be the man, you've got to be the man." -- Dennis Rodman %% Lando Calrisian: "Boba Fett, is it true that that gun of yours only works when it's aimed at someones back?" Boba Fett: "Take a good look at this helmet. It's the last thing you'll ever see." %% 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr -- Core dumped %% A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have turned into a pile of dust. %% A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat." The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect." The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?" %% A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash %% A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant. %% A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire %% A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God %% And as we stand on the edge of darkness Let our chant fill the void That others may know In the land of the night The ship of the sun Is drawn by The grateful dead. -- Tibetan "Book of the Dead" ca. 4000 BC. %% Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence. -- Time Bandits %% Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein %% If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. %% Famous last words: "If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop." %% I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. -- J. Edgar Hoover %% Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. -- The Brigader, from Dr. Who %% Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less. %% The heart, the liver, the spleen, the pancreas. All these miraculous organs work in _total_darkness_! %% He has been known by many names; the Prince of Lies, the Director, Lucifer, Belial, and once, at a party, some obnoxious drunk kept calling him "Dude". %% We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it. %% "Well Walter, I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street" - Neil Armstrong %% Being weird isn't enough. %% Rejectred again, that's OK. I'm used to that. %% Rejectred again, that's OK. I'm used to that. %% Rise up in the cafeteria and stab them with your plastic forks. %% Hey, the costumes are having their own party. Far out! %% Yay! I got married to Catherine H. Icken! %% http://www.spacetime.org/~jchrist/ %% Cat scratch fever. %% Big Lots is the Pico of superstores. %% "That is not the point, quite. The point is that I am now a perfectly safe web page and my companion is rapidly running out of links." %% We're rapidly approaching the 20th century of rumors. %% Yay! Five bytes per second? %% Elvis eats boats. %% rumor -f cat. Go ahead. I dare ya. %% Don't hate me because I'm Latvian. %% The data listed in the table for 05547500 Fox Lake near Lake Villa has a date of 08/22/1997. I know we can do a lot of amazing things with the web, but I suspect that if we continue to provide six-month stage forecasts the national weather service will protest because we are taking over their mission. :) %% oppression sucks, ego sucks, but we should all have big egos anyway because I am roger waters and I SUCK %% xbiff -file /usr/local/libdata/rumor/usgs.rumor %% Forgive me, but this rumor exists only to test xbiff. %% poke %% ...I may override your decision if I don't like it... %% In the future there may be no temporary file at all, just a pipe. %% "calliope--is that machine named after the muse, the instrument, the missile artillery, or the character on general hospital?" %% Ah! This can be a noteworthy time to place taskmstr in a more prudent place. %% make sure you kill all the little children too Why the heck have I been seing this rumor so much recently? %% It's a pity he didn't kill that wretched creature when he had the chance. Pity? Was it pity that stayed his blade? %% In Mexico, everything costs seven dollars. %% Your article's newsgroup: usgs.test Praktice newsgroup for novice news poasters. %% HMatt decimates anything: $.25 %% Can you make Kamut 'n Honey a leibniz rumor? %% Alpha Linux computers use MILO. %% Was MILO the cat in Milo and Otis? %% Sparc Linux computers use SILO. %% Yesterday (Wednesday May 6) a young TI calculator wandered away from its daddy. It visited the small and large conference rooms (two of its daddy remote offices), but it most have decided to see more of the world. It you notice an sad, scared, orphaned calculator around the office, please return it to its daddy. %% Portability, cross-platform usability? A true Microsoft user desires not these things. %% how about /on public "leibniz" kick %% function precmd () rumor %% There's BRE washed up on the shore? %% There's SRE washed up on the shore? %% There's Earth: 2025 washed up on the shore? %% Vik defense! %% rm: too few arguments Try `rm --help' for more information. %% Beat The Watermelon! %% Cats are plasma bags. %% Semicolon dancer! %% "HAL was probably not considered the nicest guy in the world, but everybody deserves a birthday party. I think he'd probably enjoy it," said chief Cyberfest organizer Carol Menaker, UI director of communications. %% The price is wrong, bitch! %% You realise, if I could see myself, I'd have to kick my own ass. %% You will drink the black sperm of my vengance. Thank you Roger Ebert. %% cootys rat semen %% keep on ftp'ing in the Warez world. %% Let's work together to meet these three goals: Every 8-year-old must be able to read; every 12-year-old must be able to log on to the Internet; every 18-year-old must be able to go to college; and every adult American must be able to keep on learning for a lifetime. (Applause.) %% in the future all twelve year olds have access to a large thing that is full of warez %% Now my life is as good as an ABBA song! %% "Do you have any action words?" "We prefer to call them 'verbs'." %% Dancing Queen! %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% Why didn't the studebaker survive as a major brand of car? %% bean? dammit, somebody's been messing with rumor again. %% smack something, or something. %% be sure to kill all the little rabbits %% "It's spring! Let's differentiate a dot product!" -- S. Alexander %% "I don't like the idea of someone including my delimiter in their data." --jlg %% ~Yes LORD VADER \Why is July the most dangerous month? ~Yes LORD VADER It's a Matt thing, you wouldn't understand. ~Yes LORD VADER Why is July the most dangerous month? whoa. %% query %% symbolism %% Isn't sanity just a one trick pony, anyways? All you get is one trick--rational thinking. But when you're good and crazy, the sky's the limit! -- The Tick %% The USGS Computer Student Office - where it's always 2:51. %% (¯`·.(¯`·.!¡!BOSnet: Voted The MOST EXTREME Internet Provider!¡!.·´¯).·´¯) Get Extreme `Net Toolz here! %% "What's that thing?" "You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!" "Why, what did she tell you?" "I don't know, I didn't listen!" %% "Hi, I'm Satan. Enjoy the film." %% "'Chapter Two: Molten Terror'! Ooo, isn't terror bad enough without being molten?" --- Tom Servo (#1), "Commando Cody" %% "'Women of The Prehistoric Planet'?! My sister had to watch this in Junior High. All the boys had to go in the gym." --- Joel, "Women of The Prehistoric Planet" %% Joel: "Aw, I saw a wire. That wrecks everything." Tom: "You mean this is fake?" --- "Gamera vs. Barugon" %% "Cheese it, it's an entire race of mimes! We gotta get back and warn Earth!" --- Joel, "Rocketship X-M" %% "I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying!" --- Joel "Do not try to adjust your set. We will control what is boring." --- Crow, "Rocket Attack USA" %% "How much Keeffe is in this movie?" --- Joel "Miles O'Keeffe!" --- Tom, "Cave Dwellers" %% Narrator: "There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics." Tom Servo: "Oops." --- Monster A-Go-Go %% %% If anyone needs me, I'll be scrolling some text. %% "Whaddya mean, no matches to my query?" -mrw "Query this!" -akb %% A voice resembling that of a machine that can only be on or off says, "Boole." %% He who controls Kamut controls the universe. %% Sad, isn't it? %% give me insight between black and white... %% style? %% someday, every word will be contained in a rumor. and after that, every possible sentence. and after that, every possible human thought. when alien species attempt to discover the nature of human thought, they can scan the rumor file for a day or three. %% The Holy Roman Empire was neither Holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire. %% Sparks&Smoke %% Sparks&Sake %% Clerks" %% Unmatched ". %% Comprehensive? Ha! %% I've figured it out. I'll only donate my body for medical research if they pay me by the pound. * mrw laughs Matt, your mother isn't laughing. No, she's doing the math. %% "It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position." -- John Hogan, Commonwealth Edison Supervisor of News Information, responding to a charge by a Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector that two Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job. %% "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC %% "Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway." -- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane. %% "I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted." -- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries. %% "The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector." -- Knight Ridder News Service dispatch %% Some days are better than others. %% June, well, June is sort of a silly month, so it's bad, too. %% Its a shame us Jews don't have colors associated with our prophets. %% Licking River at McKinneysburg Streamflow Gage and the National Network %% Cat. %% Cat. %% No, cut it into 6 pieces. I can't eat 8. %% I got my travel check! Yaay! %% I could win a top of the line Macintosh system; don't look at me like that. %% "I have to wash my toe pieces, father." %% We gotta see the patriotic snake! %% I have to have gestures...if I had to stop, I'd hemmorage and fall down. %% ...with the blinking pants and the live ocelot on his head... %% Rain, rain, come and stay, so Schemer can make a fortune selling umbrellas. %% as to paddy wagons, isn't it ironic that _large_ percentages of the NY and chicago police forces are now cops. -zcm %% Jan Doughman! Yaay! %% *mcpeek* %% Warning: Color name "raye65" is not defined %% There's ECE 205 washed up on the shore? %% I love ntpdate--if your computer is more than 10 minutes behind, your screen saver starts up. %% Crystal Lite killed George Herbert Walker Bush %% Oscar Cwajbaum Senior Unix Administrator Support IS Web Developer BDC Campus Systems Support %% I think I'll start doing drugs. %% Microsoft Internet Exploder %% Well, that's important for my sanity. sani-what? %% Rumor: the PIM %% 708-251-5048...damn... %% "If the dean doesn't let me drop this class, I'm gonna take a high-powered rifle to Altgeld Hall and start shooting people on the quad." -- Tony Sintes %% Dammit, who turned it into "bean"? %% whack: command not found %% "Hank tormented the last man I dated. He made fun of the fact that he was on parole, he made fun of how poorly he held his liquor, and he made fun of his Pinto." -- Meryl Streep, "Marvin's Room" %% Please enter your name: %% ls: *: No such file or directory %% Love in an Elevator! %% drat %% These were the reasons why asexual reproduction is better, sometimes. 1) In a stable, unchanging environment, sex is a waste. 2) To produce clones 3) Its cheaper %% %% NAME crond - cron daemon (Dillon's Cron) AUTHOR Matthew Dillon (dillon@apollo.west.oic.com) %% I was hot and I was hungry. %% I really think the world needed to know that Joe Norris stayed in the Fairfield Inn in Peoria on February 26. %% Peating is for the benefit of the earth, not your fire. %% I keep forgetting that's a doorbell and not a broken Mac. %% Gnats go like this, and so does Ryan Pierce. %% It's amazing to have a free Geoff, and I can't think of what to do with it. %% meaningless garbage collection %% Hey, dude, don't misquote The Spirit of Christmas in front of g0ff. %% Software should never create or require special files or subdirectories in the root directory. The Linux filesystem structure provides more than enough flexibility for any package. Any package that does occupy a directory under the root of the filesystem suffers from sheer arrogance. %% I saw a cat next to Europa house! --Arun %% We need rumor -f -c. Anybody want the job? %% Spring break was such a bleak time for new rumors. %% In the future, all bits are sticky. %% The Studebaker didn't survive because the bears inside always ate the driver. %% g0ff decimals anything: $0.25 %% A message on the general voice mail box left by "a computer" at Circuit City indicated an order was ready for pick up at the store the order was placed. %% Hickory Dickory Dock, the cat went up the clock. The clock struck one, the cat fun a patting at the hangy thingy. %% C-A-Sh-up not defined. %% Oscar Cwajbaum Senior Unix Administrator Support IS Web Developer BDC Campus Systems Support and about five other jobs that you'd never want to have %% Close your eyes. I want you to imagine me. Not as I am, or as I was. But as I will be. %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% Let's try to avoid putting blank lines into rumors, please. This, from the person who gave us the "rumor monster"? %% MRW MR not W OSAR. CDEDBD eyes? MRW. %% "I'm gonna add a rumor about RCS. Check it out." -mrw %% ci co /home/gdfast/cheese/gdf: > rm -rf /tmp * co RCS/* RCS REALLY Rocks. %% Check it out. A rumor about RCS. %% You run "encap", and it deletes anything that shouldn't be there. And then it creates everything that should be there. And if nobody did anything stupid, everything will be okay. -Greg on encap %% "Amiga is huge in Germany." -zcmiller %% I want to run chroot on my brain. %% "You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy." -- Charles Manson %% In a thousand years, there will be no men and women, just wankers, and that's fine by me. %% In the future, all quotes are misquoted. %% When was the last time YOU added a rumor? %% I'm not sure I like the 'tone' of your email. %% THAT WAS BOMB THREAT MANAGEMENT, NOT BOMB STRESS (ALTHOUGH A BOMB THREAT CAN BE STRESSFULL). %% DEBBIE ADOLPHSON WILL PRESENT A VIDEO TAPE ON BOMB STRESS MANAGEMENT %% # Makefile generated by imake - do not edit! %% Espresso Royale With Cheese %% SORRY ABOUT THE NAME AND DATE CONFUSION. I NEED A VACATION. SO OFF TO THE CAM-OR SUPERFUND SITE I GO -- I GET TO OVERSEE WELL DRILLING IN LEVEL B PROTECTION (SUPPLIED AIR), WHAT FUN! THE NAME OF THE PRESENTATION WAS INDEED "BOMB STRESS MANAGEMENT". ALSO THE DATE IS WEDNESDAY, APRIL 9 @ NOON %% "Thank God you remind me of all the shit I've done, or else I would think that I'm a rational, well-balanced human being." -- jason bell %% Source Motel (by CVS): Code checks in, but it doesn't check out. %% Cooper: "Who's the lady with the hairy ass?" Truman: "We call her...me!" %% We've just crossed the Event Horizon Event Horizon. %% The RFCs are not what they seem. %% I hate it when my bombs get all stressed. %% # God hates the sin, not the sinner # the devil hates everyone %% cooking on the web would be dumb it would be like "click on the ingredients, now drop it to the pot" and then a new browser would launch and display a random piece of furniture and say "oh no! you messed up and accidentally cooked up a KITCHEN SINK. ha ha!" %% There's never a wrong context for WAREZ %% Speaking at last month's Defense Department Software Technology Conference, Engle related a tale of an engineer, a mathematician and a software engineer who were arguing about who had the oldest profession. "In the beginning, God said, 'Let there be light,' '' the electrical engineer said. "You need an electrical engineer to do that, so I have the oldest profession.'' The mathematician also cited the Bible, pointing out that God created order out of chaos. "That's what a mathematician does, so I have the oldest profession,'' the mathematician said. The software engineer laughed at his companions. "Why are you laughing?'' the mathematician asked. "Well, you just proved my point,'' the software engineer said. "Who do you think created that chaos to begin with?'' %% I sent Ernie Dreyer an STD -Arun Bhalla %% I hate it when you pull off a hangnail and it goes all the way to your elbow. %% To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow. %% Ah! This can be a noteworthy time to place hamster in a more prudent place. %% Hier beginnt die Wanderung der Hamster. %% I have the power of the opposable thumb! %% woah, yoda wears jammies jammies have yoda's on them infinite regress... %% I guess that the shit is the base case that stops the infinite yoda regress somewhere down at the bottom of the yoda jammie chain there are jammies with yodas whose jammies have only shit. %% Whats in the box? Life. Or would you like to buy something? %% RAIN PLAIN SPAIN RAIN PLAIN SPAIN -grudgle the weather man %% WINK WINK WINK -grudgle the actor %% *SMASH* -grudgle losing at RollyPollyRoulette %% Groogroo::Groogroo() %% Wait, is that really the problem here? You're worried about job security since anyone can run a server on a Mac and not have to pay a CS grad oodles of bucks to do it? C'mon Matt, you'll always have a job here at the Survey, working for Ken Lanfear and others...Hey we need somebody to write NWIS-3! I think that will be ported to NT 3.0 running on low-bid wintels! from gateway! can you spell Oracle? -George Groschen %% Oh, by the way, I'm on top of the CR-10 problems, eh? -akb %% BackRub is a "web crawler" which is designed to traverse the web. %% In the future, all programs are security holes. %% Why is tac four times the size of cat? %% The following warning was sent to me by Mike Friedel. Many of you have already read it, but I felt everyone should have the opportunity to. Thanks Debbie [snip of Kidney Harvesting Crime Ring Urban Legen] "Engage brain before opening mouth." %% "You know when you are not embarrased yet, but you've got a taste of tommorows embarrasment? -Jerry Maguire %% "A real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie off a single mother." %% -- Dan Wellman http://www.uiuc.edu/ph/www/wellman Email: wellman@uiuc.edu Objects in mirror are baked, not fried. %% /etcYes LORD VADERmore rmtab No. /etcYes LORD VADER %% #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9... /etcYes LORD VADERmroe fstab CORRECT>more fstab (y|n|e|a)? yes /dev/hda3 swap